In Philip’s eyes, the moment was almost certainly no big deal. For him, the moment was most likely a logical continuation of a smooth stream of getting to know the people in one of his various crowds better. But for me it was a sharp contrast from what I had observed roughly eight months earlier. Eight months earlier, Renee was the rising eleventh-grader whose words to Philip during the carwash fundraiser had seemed potentially condescending to me. Renee was one of the social dominants inside a circle of teens that wouldn’t quite let Philip inside that day.
I saw Renee again last Friday when I dropped off Philip for a weekend teen snow trip. Renee and Philip had arrived at roughly the same time. Both had snowboards rather than skis, and both were submitting their health release forms and final payments at one end of the parking lot, while I carried half of Philip’s baggage to the bus at the other end of the parking lot. After I gave Philip’s final bag to the bus driver, I turned away and saw Philip and Renee stepping away from the group of registrants at the same time. Philip was now just slightly taller than Renee. Their body language spoke volumes. It did not contain affection. (That would have really surprised me.) But their heads were down and they were walking in unison as close as two teens could walk together without actually touching. What I saw was trust and mutual respect. Philip and Renee were sharing a conversation that was meant to be just between the two of them. The two were probably completely unaware of their shared body language. They walked all the way from one end of the parking lot to the other like that until they stepped onto the bus together. It was another situation where I didn’t mind not getting a goodbye.
Renee’s crowd was not the only group of teens in which Philip’s social standing had been advancing. As the school year progressed, Philip moved away from Tim and his crowd, and had instead enjoyed lunches with other freshmen. Philip’s newer lunchtime crowd has been mostly guys, and these guys seem to gain particular enjoyment watching Philip watching Philip interact with girls. Philip’s new crowd seemed to notice every signal Erica was sending to Philip. And they began pushing Philip to ask Erica out. But they had other designs as well.
One of the guys, Marty, wanted help meeting girls. So Philip joined Marty during lunch one day and asked two freshman girls if they could sit with them. The two girls quickly agreed and the four enjoyed a nice lunch together. But the next day Philip saw Marty talking with the same two girls at the beginning of lunch. As Philip approached to join them, the two girls walked away from Marty. “What happened?” Philip asked Marty.
“Well,” Marty answered. “It seems they BOTH have a crush on YOU.”
“Are you sure?” Philip laughed.
“Yes. I am ABSOLUTELY certain,” Marty answered with only a small degree of annoyance.
When one girl, Nancy, had confided with some of Philip’s lunchtime friends that she would really like to have a date for the Winter Formal, Marty and Philip’s other lunchtime friends began to push Philip to ask Nancy to the dance. And so only minutes later, Philip fearlessly asked Nancy to the dance, “That’s ironic,” she stared at Philip. “Somebody else just asked me to the dance less than five minutes ago and I told him yes.” It was a kind let-down. Philip stared back at her sharing her sense of odd timing. Then he looked behind him and gave an annoyed stare to his lunchtime crowd. The second look was not lost on Nancy. “Oh no!” Nancy exclaimed. “Did they tell you that you should ask me to the dance!” And she ran over to scold Philip’s lunchtime friends.
Lastly, Philip’s lunchtime crowd convinced Philip to finally ask out Erica. And so, Philip managed to pull together his courage and asked her out. It was exactly four months to the day after he had first danced with Erica. She gave him a disappointed look. “I like someone else,” was all she said in reply. He told nobody about the exchange. And it turned out she told nobody either because the next day Philip’s lunchtime crowd continued to push Philip to ask out Erica. He decided to leave them in the dark.
For me, I am glad Philip has gotten close to Renee and her crowd, and that Philip is someone his classmates admire. And I am especially glad Philip finally asked out Erica. I am especially glad for two reasons. First, if he was brave enough to ask out Erica, he will never be intimidated from pursuing someone. And second—now that Erica has turned him down—Philip’s heart is free to look elsewhere. I am anticipating not only a better match, but also someone more deserving.
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