A Modern Valentine’s Tale Begins

Erica’s treatment of Philip rapidly went from flirtatious to contemptuous as if she was preparing for life as paparazzi-harassed starlet. After turning down Philip’s invitation to go out, Erica blocked him on Facebook. It was unique. Philip knew there was at least one other guy who had asked her out that same week and he did not get the same treatment. Erica hadn’t even unfriended the football player she had the ten day hot-and-then-cold relationship with shortly after Philip and Erica met. But there it was for Philip: The digital equivalent of a restraining order.

Philip did not know what to think. But he was not intimidated and genuinely wanted to make things right by apologizing or confronting whoever might by telling Erica lies about him. But when he asked Erica directly, she flatly denied she had either blocked or unfriended him. “It must be a mistake,” she replied. But not long after she was heard spreading jokes about “not being friends any more.” And so Philip moved on. But a thin grey line had been drawn in the sand. If Erica had her way, one would be on either winning Team Erica or losing Team Philip. But the actual teaming that has developed appears to be more negative than positive and Philip was hardly losing. Erica has created and now leads something that would be more accurately described as Team against Philip since Erica is against Philip. For his part, Philip has found himself surrounded by a growing crowd of guys who have developed a particular dislike for Erica. He has become the rallying figurehead for Team We’re Sick of Erica.

This new set of guys rallying around Philip waste no time pointing out something they claim Erica does with regularity. Erica will draw a guy in with a smile, batting eyelashes and other flirtatious actions. But in such cases Erica has no real or genuine interest in the guy. And if the guy gets bold enough to pursue Erica, her treatment of the guy quickly swings into reverse, “Ew! No!” The result for Erica is a small crowd of timid, fawning, emasculated admirers. Even Erica's ex-boyfriend Bruce from the football team has not been immune. Not long after Bruce got his driver’s license, Erica had recruited him as her chauffer.

A teenage girls’ most often used offensive weapon against a teenage guy is to attack his dignity by making him look and feel undesirable. And Erica chose to bring the full force of her personal arsenal toward this end with Philip. It is worth noting here that teenage guys use the same weapon against teenage girls, but they also have other offensive weapons available to them in their social battles with teenage girls. Words like Slut, Whore and Bitch attack a teenage girl’s character and the appropriateness of her conduct. And the equivalent accusations against guys hold much less social stigma.

As a family, we have taught Philip not to go on the offensive. And so far, he understands the long term disadvantages of going on the offensive and is not facing severe temptation to do so. Instead we have taught him how to tactfully take a strong defensive position. “Yep. She’s really, really mad at me about something. Just ask her,” he might say with a smile and matter-of-fact demeanor. But he leaves the use of crude words and degrading stories for others. As a member of the lacrosse team, he gets to listen to it often in the safety and privacy of the guys’ changing room.

Initially, those willing to show Philip support appeared to be guys only. And to be fair, a girl would open herself up to teasing and ridicule if she were to show too much open support for Philip or any guy for that matter. But Valentine’s Day provided one girl with the opportunity to tell Philip he was far from undesirable. Hermes High School had a fund-raiser in which one could have a card and a rose delivered to any student on campus during the last day of school before Valentine’s weekend. Roses and cards were delivered during the period just before lunch. Philip was in the gymnasium for Physical Education. There were perhaps one hundred students—Freshmen and Sophomores—in the gymnasium when the delivery was made. Four Valentines arrived. Three were gifts to girls from their boyfriends. The fourth was an anonymous Valentine for Philip.

The guys and even a few girls in the gymnasium erupted with clapping and cat-calls. Some were happy merely to have a guy receive a Valentine. Others took particular pleasure in seeing Philip receive a token that underscored his desirability among teenage girls, despite all of Erica’s efforts. And although he did not know it at the time, the anonymous sender herself—a girl named Vienna—was present. In the moment, Philip had no idea whether the Valentine was genuine or a prank, so he approached the situation with caution that proved painful for Vienna to witness. Vienna carefully watched Philip as he kept his expression stoic while he accepted the gift from one of the school administrators and endured the more rowdy element’s teasing words. Vienna must have wondered if she had made a huge mistake sending Philip the anonymous Valentine. A few hours later, her status on Facebook merely read, “Valentine's Day...stinks.” Throughout the long weekend, friends left ineffectually supportive comments in response to Vienna’s words, but her only response was “None of you understand.”

Late the following week, Philip had received enough hints from mutual friends to know with near certainty that Vienna was his anonymous Valentine. He knew her, but not well. Philip liked Vienna and he thought she was pretty, but for several months prior up until less than twenty days earlier Philip’s heart and Philip’s eyes had belonged solely to Erica. His experience with Erica made Philip want to be cautious. How and when Philip will respond to Vienna’s crush and if Vienna’s crush on Philip will endure the wait and Philip’s unwillingness to show immediate enthusiasm is an open question. But that is why this is merely the beginning of a modern Valentine’s tale.