It would be nice if Philip could speak openly enough with Erica to suggest taking some time to get to know one another better and be prepared for whatever her response. But such things are rare among young adolescents. Instead, they face a tough, highly-charged social environment. If an interested guy succeeds in getting a girl he knows to speak privately, he may only have a short window in which he must boldly ask her out. While girls sometimes ask out guys, they usually do something subtle with the hope of getting a particular guy’s attention. Girls drop cautious hints. The hints always carry a comfortable degree of plausible deniability. If the girl were to be called out on her words or actions, she would have a valid excuse that had nothing to do with her having interest in the guy in question. The guys in turn seek opportunities to test the waters before they plunge forward asking a girl out. There is no more humiliating prospect to a young adolescent guy than asking out a girl and being rejected hands down. Young adolescents add complexity to this awkward dance by taking steps to evoke jealousy. Jealousy is the weapon of choice girls but also guys rely upon if the true interest is not behaving in a way that demonstrates a satisfactory level of interest. The goal is to force the other’s hand into some kind of action that demonstrates interest.
Shortly after Philip had resolved to ask Erica out, he was shocked to learn she had agreed to go to the Winter Formal with another guy, Aidan. Philip knew Aidan reasonably well. Aidan was tall, handsome and athletic. He was also one of the guys who constantly hovered close to Erica. Aidan and Erica were certainly friends. They had known one another for years. And as such, there had been plenty of time and interaction for Aidan to secure Erica as his girlfriend if she were willing. Despite his disappointment, Philip was reasonably certain Aidan was not a true competitor for Erica’s heart. But it didn’t keep Philip from feeling at least a little bit jealous. And perhaps that was Erica’s intention all along. If so, it was a bold move.
At the dance itself, Philip quickly confirmed Erica and Aidan had no developing romance. Erica was dancing with plenty of guys besides Aidan. Philip followed her example and likewise enjoyed dancing with multiple girls. Eventually, he danced with Erica. It was one of those semi-intimate hip-hop dances. Erica accepted. Philip came back and danced with Erica multiple times that evening but tried to be cautious about asking her to dance too often.
The final song of the evening was a dreamy slow dance. Philip had planned to skip this dance but then he saw Erica alone halfway through the final song. Where was Aidan? If you were my date for this dance Erica, Philip thought, I would not be missing in action during the final song of the evening. And then Philip made a bold move of his own and asked Erica to dance. It echoed back to the very first school dance of the year, during which the two had shared a dreamy extended embrace on the dance floor during the final song of the evening. But this was different. Even if Aidan was nowhere in sight, Erica had still agreed to be Aidan’s date. Everyone would see Erica dancing with someone other than Aidan during the final song. Erica stared back at Philip and answered slowly, “Uhhhhmm … I have … a date.” She smiled awkwardly and then walked away, presumably in search of Aidan. Philip turned around as well and found himself facing a cute, outgoing sophomore girl he had met in line heading into the dance. He asked the girl to dance and the two shared what was left of the final song of the evening. Perhaps Erica was bothered. Philip first underscored the fact that her date was absent at the end of the evening and then bounced back quickly and easily by slow dancing with another girl.
The day after the formal dance, Philip discovered Erica had unfriended him on Facebook. It was another bold move. Was it a prank Erica’s sister had played? If not, what was Erica doing? She could have been angry with Philip. Or she could have done it in a moment of jealousy. Or she could have done it to see how and how quickly Philip would respond. Either way, the gauntlet had been cast. Philip let Monday pass. But on Tuesday Philip made the bold move. He spoke to Erica about the matter, and she feigned ignorance. Erica wasn’t angry. And Philip had let her know he’d seen it only shortly after it had happened. The secret message she delivered was returned. Despite all the boldness, little was accomplished. And maybe that is the problem with making bold moves in high school.
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