The Shallow Reality

Even before she broke things off with the football player, the awkward game of courtship between Erica and Philip had begun. But their developing mutual interest functions in the complex early adolescent social structure and gossip pit of Hermes High School.

Without question, ninth-grader Erica holds the unchallenged position as the leading “trophy” girlfriend at Hermes High School. She seems to have a love-hate relationship with this position. On the one hand, she certainly prefers the position over its polar opposite. Nearly every guy whose interest in girls has awakened is either exclusively interested in Erica or at least has her on his short list. Philip’s interest, for example, is exclusive. Erica is invited to all the parties and she can secure just about any favor she wants. On the other hand, she has learned she needs to be very careful to not give a guy the wrong signal. Additionally, she finds she can easily intimidate her guy-peers. And worst of all, she is nearly always hounded by at least someone. For Erica, having a trustworthy, well-matched, long-term boyfriend would not only be pleasant in-and-of itself, but it would substantially eliminate the downsides of her popularity among boys while only mildly reducing the upsides. Additionally, it could only improve her popularity among the girls which is already off the charts.

Among the ninth-grade boys at Hermes High School only perhaps ten to fifteen percent of them are even looked upon as “boyfriend material.” And these few face fierce competition for the attention of their ninth grade gal-peers from sophomores, juniors and sometimes even seniors. The status of “boyfriend material” is admittedly rather shallow. It has almost nothing to do with compatibility, emotional maturity, long term prospects, empathy, or relationship skills. Instead it mainly has to do with superficial attributes such as good looks, physical maturity, bravado and mystique. (To be fair, as a whole the guys at Hermes High School judge their gal-peers by equally frivolous standards.) Each of the guys classified as “boyfriend material” sports his own unique mix of attractive qualities. For some it is a well matched set of height, developed muscles, chiseled features, athletic prowess and confident bravado. For others it is a cute face, an engaging personality, social confidence and a creative sense of humor.

While there is no clear leading man the way there is a clear leading lady, Philip seems to have found himself in the upper-end of the “boyfriend material” lineup with a strong mix of those overrated attractive qualities. Philip is above average in height and athletic prowess. His abdomen carves into a six-pack when he flexes, but it is doubtful any girl has ever noticed it emerge from beneath his loose-fitting T-shirts. The rest of his muscles are toned but definitely not bulked. He carries absolutely no extra body fat which gives his face (like Erica’s) a uniquely mature but youthful look. His portrait is a smooth cross between the hard features of actor Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen in the Twilight series) and the soft features of pop star Justin Bieber. At the beginning of the school year, Philip’s hair was a rock-star-length mop that he hardly washed, hardly combed but somehow normally still looked very good. The day after he danced with Erica, Philip changed his ways and began showering daily before school. He got his hair cut to a preppy length in early October, but has since grown it out to a length he combs back and allows to feather to near perfection.

But probably the greatest contributor to Philip’s high “boyfriend material” status is his mystique. Having spent seventh and eighth grade at Oak Hills Charter School rather than Hermes Middle School, Philip arrived at Hermes High School without the standard embarrassing history from the previous two years. At the same time, Philip had managed to keep up his relationship with his closest friends. The result was nearly all of the “new kid” advantages and almost none of the “new kid” disadvantages. On top of that his temperament is highly unflappable. He rarely feels compelled to speak, and when he does speak, his words are normally concise. He augments his mystique by wearing sunglasses often. And in the morning, he arrives at school with a cup of coffee, drinking it with the comfort and confidence most girls only see in adult men like their fathers.

Sometime in November, Erica started treating Philip differently. Her normally effective “hard to get” tactic must have looked to her like it was having the opposite of the intended effect. Philip’s unflappable exterior proved resilient as Erica’s mixed signals failed to evoke any crazy behavior or desperate actions. So lately, Erica has flirted more openly and directly than Philip has ever seen her do. In short, it appears that Philip has won the game of “hard to get” against the reigning champion. But to Erica’s credit, her new tactic—if that has indeed been her intension—has worked, because Philip is now resolved to ask out Erica as soon as he gets the chance.

Having a shallow exterior does not mean there is no depth beneath. Erica’s charisma and ability to be a close friend to so many girls all emerge from a still unknown but very real depth. Likewise, Philip’s unflappable exterior that is a large driver of his mystique emerges from an emotional maturity that is probably unrivaled among his guy-peers. As a parent, I am preparing for the very real possibility that Philip and Erica will not only start a relationship, but that their relationship will last a long time. I expect the biggest challenge to a successful long term relationship between Philip and Erica won’t come from within either of them, but rather from the difficult external pressures they will face together in the complex early adolescent social structure and gossip pit of Hermes High School.