The First Teen Dance of the Summer

The hour-long dance lesson was over, and the first song of the evening was about to play. Along the edge of the dance floor, teenage girls in their favorite dresses stood tall and still. Most of the teenage girls stood in clusters speaking with one another in hushed voices. With only one exception, the teenage boys milled about with their hands in their pockets scanning the girls at the edge of the dance floor. Finally the first song began. The majority of the teenage boys immediately engaged and walked briskly toward one of the teenage girls along the edge of the dance floor. Seeing the success of their peers, the rest of the teenage boys milling about each in turn cautiously approached one of the remaining teenage girls still standing at the edge of the dance floor and found himself a dance partner.

The exception among the boys was my son Philip. He was seated in a corner chair at the very edge of the dance floor. He slowly drank down a bottled water and allowed each of the teenage boys who had been milling about to secure a dance partner. As a chaperone for the dance I watched from a distance wondering what Philip was doing. Or more specifically I wondered why he was sitting in a corner drinking from a water bottle while the rest of the boys were securing partners for the first dance. But I also realized that the gender ratio of roughly five girls for every four boys would operate in Philip’s favor no matter how long he delayed. He finished his water in one fast gulp and then stood up.

There were perhaps twelve teenage girls standing without a dance partner. These twelve remaining teenage girls deserve to be described. They were not the twelve least attractive teenage girls in the room. Instead they were the twelve most intimidating teenage girls in the room. On average they were taller. They had noticeably more refined muscle tone. None had over-applied her makeup. Their dresses were feminine and well fitting but neither girlish nor overly revealing. There was no evidence of hair product. About half had their hair pulled back with a simple barrette or ponytail tie. If there was any bashful eagerness, each kept it well hid. They stood with a quiet confidence appearing unconcerned about being passed over for the first dance of the evening. One of the twelve looked particularly intimidating. I imagined her being captain of the varsity volleyball team.

Philip seemed to have done a complete reversal. But I soon expected it was all by design. With all the other teenage boys enjoying their first dance of the evening, Philip approached the volleyball captain who was perhaps two years his senior. “Hi. I’m Philip. Would you like to dance?”

I couldn’t lip-read her response. But the volleyball captain followed Philip a few yards onto the dance floor and the two began dancing The Swing. She was perhaps three inches taller than Philip. The look on her face revealed little while the two were dancing. I imagined she was feeling a mixture of disappointment at the age and height of her dance partner and relief that she was not passed over for the first dance. Philip attempted to engage her and she politely answered his standard questions about where she lived, where she went to school and her favorite activities. But she generally stared past him rather than maintaining eye contact.

Soon the first dance was over. Philip and the volleyball captain walked to the edge of the dance floor, thanked one another for the dance, and went their separate ways. Philip grabbed a fresh water bottle and returned to his seat as the second dance began. He repeated the same pattern for several dances. At the beginning of each dance, he would wait patiently for the edge of the dance floor to be substantially cleared. Then he would approach the most intimidating looking girl he had not yet danced with and invited her to dance. Philip always found agreement. Each successive dance partner proved less impassive and more engaging than the previous.

From the middle to the end of the evening, Philip was mainly dancing with the girls whose age and height more closely matched his own. By then even the most awkward teenage girls were comfortable carrying a conversation with Philip and their other dance partners. For most of the teenagers present and especially for Philip, the dance was not about finding romance. It was about developing social confidence and expanding one’s comfort zone. Philip had taken a unique and effective approach that showed both caution and boldness. It seemed to work for him. And as far as I could tell he had fun doing it.

As I’ve reflected on what I observed during the first teen dance of the summer, I’ve come to respect how differently Philip conducted himself in comparison to me at that same age. When it was me as a teenager on the dance floor many years ago, I was merely milling about with my hands in my pockets.