It was only two years ago when Philip entered his freshman year at Hermes High School. Over what seems like an absurdly brief period of time, Philip has grown seven inches taller and perhaps that much wiser. He seems to understand himself better and he also seems to understand why his peers think and act the way they do. When his friend Joshua sent a dozen text messages in a half an hour’s time because Philip didn’t respond immediately to the first text immediately, Philip merely shrugged it off concluding that it is something some teenagers simply do.
When Philip was a freshman, he experienced the age-gender gap in an intense manner. The girls he found most interesting had no lasting interest in Philip. Instead the pretty, outgoing freshmen girls set their sights on members of the junior and senior classes, many of whom were happy to receive the adoring attention of Philip’s young girl-peers. The concept bothered Philip. He liked the girls his own age. In fact, the girls he liked tended to be the socially inclined ones who showed no interest in guys close to their own age. He began to resign himself to the idea that he was unlikely to find a match for himself for a very long time. And once he did find a match, she would have already logged plenty of time with at least one other guy as her boyfriend.
Two years later, Philip has now seen this year’s incoming freshmen girls through a junior’s eyes. Earlier this month, Philip boarded a bus to spend a week at a high school camp. During his day-long bus rides and the week between, Philip logged a large amount of time with girl peers of all high school classes, including a bunch of eager freshmen girls. The idea of an actual relationship with one of these young girls was particularly absurd to Philip. The gap in life experience was far too great. While he’d been suspicious of the older guys who dated his freshmen girl-peers two years earlier, observing this year’s freshmen girls removed all doubt. The idea of such a pairing violated everything in Philip’s developing sense of ethics and morality.
When he had time to reflect after the week of camp, Philip began to ponder the whole situation anew and noticed more things that he had not noticed before. He noticed for example that the only guys who were actually pairing with the younger girls were guys who were particularly immature. It shot a big hole in the argument that his girl-peers were actually seeking someone more mature whenever one of them developed an interest in an older guy. Philip also noticed that the primary pursuers in such relationships were actually the girls, not the guys. When Philip was a freshman, a bunch of freshmen girls went to the Prom with older guys. But even though the older guys had done the official asking, it was only after his freshmen girls-peers had put themselves out there aggressively with the guys in question.
That realization brought on another realization. While his class of girl-peers included several girls who chased after much older guys, the class behind him had no such sub-culture. At the close of his sophomore year, none of the freshmen girls went to the Prom with an older guy and there were no relationships he knew of between that year’s freshmen girls and any juniors or seniors.
What made the girls in Philip’s class so different from the girls in the class just one year behind them? The answer, I expect, was the existence of an opinion leader who pursued the older guys. Erica led the charge shunning her same-age guy peers in favor of junior and senior guys. As Erica proved successful in winning the adoration of a tall, muscular guy in the junior class, others in her class followed. But the class behind them had no such opinion leader.
If the class of girls behind Philip could behave so differently from the girls in his own class, perhaps Philip now saw a glimmer of hope. (If he did, he kept it a secret from his parents.) On the other hand, the contrast showed just how powerful an influence one girl can be on so many other girls. How things will play out for Philip over the next two years of high school cannot be predicted. But I have no doubt Philip will continue to grow and change while many others around him will do likewise.
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