Eagerly Anticipating Middle School

Chloe has enjoyed the summer. It has been filled with all kinds of special events. She hosted a great birthday-sleepover party shortly after the school year ended. Not long after Chloe spent a week as Gayle’s guest for her family vacation. Our family hosted plenty of guests for a barbeque and then a neighborhood view of the fireworks on Independence Day. Chloe’s cousin Joelle visited our family for a week. Ashley and her family also visited for a couple days. As summer drew to a close, Chloe and her brother Philip spent a week camping with Jasmine, Joshua, Debbie and Abby. Chloe has also gotten to spend lots of time with other friends, including Holly and Patty.

But when Chloe has been alone with us, she is most interested in talking about her upcoming years at Middle School. When the student handbook arrived, Chloe devoured it quickly and had all kinds of questions for us about the dress code, the school dances and other subjects. When visiting Jasmine down the street, Chloe likes to hear what Jasmine’s older brother has to say about the Middle School, especially the social environment.

As parents, we have been doing our best to prepare Chloe for what will likely be a few very difficult years. From what I have read, experienced and witnessed, Middle School is a time when one’s need to receive the benefits of friendship more greatly exceed one’s ability to give the benefits of friendship than at any other time in life. And therein one finds the core problem. These late tweens and early teens interact with one another desperate for a form of friendship that always falls short. Many become frustrated and insulate themselves by dealing out cold forms of cruelty. As parents, Amelia and I have been focusing on a handful of things. We have put a lot of effort into helping Chloe cultivate her very good friendships, especially with the friends like Patty and Holly who we anticipate will provide good friendship in return to Chloe. We have also done our best to help Chloe understand the inherent socially toxic environment to which she is headed. And finally we are trying to help Chloe overcome the natural but destructive urge to act out when she feels hurt or gets frustrated.

Intellectually, Chloe mostly understands. And she is eager to understand even better. She watches television shows like DeGrassi to glean further insight. She often asks us why someone did something or said something. Amelia has also given Chloe a bunch of young adult books that address these same issues. Additionally, Amelia and Chloe are still watching Pretty Little Liars together and discussing the interactions in detail during and between episodes.

Not everything about Middle School will be negative. She will meet new friends from other Elementary Schools who will converge onto the Middle School with Chloe in just a few days. There will be a new set of teachers and a campus that has more places to sit outside but no climbing equipment or swings. There are breaks instead of recess and each class has a different teacher. She’s had fun simply comparing class schedules with her friends like Gayle and Patty but has been disappointed at how few classes she shares with her closest friends.

While logic might dictate Chloe to be fearful, she is blazing forward toward Middle School with eager anticipation. She and Patty spent the afternoon at the local mall shopping together with money we had set aside for her to select a handful of her own back-to-school clothes. Each day now, Chloe reminds me how many days there are until Middle School begins.

When asked about how she feels about the difficult aspects of Middle School, Chloe has this to say. “I don’t want any of the bad stuff to happen to me or my friends. But I know there will probably be some bad stuff. Still, it is the kind of bad stuff that comes along during this part of growing up and I want to experience it.” I believe she does want to experience it. But more importantly, I think she wants to not only survive it but overcome it. Perhaps that is the prize she truly anticipates the most. Middle School is a place where parental protection can only go so far. It will go less far than it did in anything that existed previously. So in many ways for Chloe it is one step closer to both the freedom and responsibility of adulthood. And perhaps that is the biggest draw of all.