Without a commute, I am home much more. My new job has me working out of a home office and travelling two or three times each month. My former job had me commuting roughly one hour each way but travelling just two or three times each year. Most days now I sit with Chloe over breakfast in our kitchen and walk her to her morning carpool. I’d also say I emerge from my home office at the end of the day at least an hour earlier than my commute would get me home. Net-net … Chloe sees a whole lot more of me and gets more “daddy interaction” than she did before, even when taking into account my more frequent travelling.
But Chloe does not like the travelling. In particular, she dislikes the travelling because it disrupts the otherwise predictable “daddy” rituals she has come to expect—rituals that began during my five weeks of unemployment earlier this year. Before I leave for business travel, the thought of me missing consecutive breakfasts and dinners makes her ill at ease. So am I doomed to a less appreciated fatherhood while I continue to travel at this frequency? I do not think so. Instead I need to create a new kind of enjoyable ritual that is tied specifically to my inconsistent travel and return schedule. And for a ten-year-old daughter, there are plenty of enjoyable rituals I can create.
Three years ago, I had a weekly ritual with each of my kids. On Wednesdays I would take Philip to the gym to play basketball before school. And on Fridays I would take Chloe on a breakfast date at the local coffee shop before school. The breakfasts with Chloe became quite elaborate. We brought an age-appropriate board game and would play one or two games before leaving to take her to school. I would park the car in the lower school parking lot and walk her to the front of the classroom where hopscotch squares were painted on the pavement. While waiting for her bell, we would take turns hopping in the hopscotch squares. When the bell finally rang, I would walk her into her classroom and say goodbye with a hug and a kiss.
Today, Chloe is too old to have me take her into her class. But breakfast is a real possibility. So are dessert dates. We had one relatively recently. I took her into downtown Santa Carla and bought her favorite ice cream. As we walked from the parking lot to the ice cream shop, we heard live music coming out of a coffee shop just three doors down from the ice cream shop. Chloe told me she liked the music. Once we had our ice cream, we walked back to the coffee shop. I took us to the counter and explained that even though we had ice cream, we were willing to pay a “corking fee” to sit at a table and enjoy the live music. The proprietor was too nice. “Have a seat and enjoy the evening with your daughter.” We compromised. I bought some imported tea as a present for Amelia. For the next half hour, Chloe and I sat down to enjoy the ice cream with the live music. It was a great evening.
Between a breakfast date and a dessert date and the numerous other possibilities, I am confident I will find something that will satisfy Chloe as an appropriate reconnection ritual for when I return from business trips. The fun for both of us is exploring the possibilities.
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