For years now, Carson might have been best described as Philip and Joshua’s immature friend. Carson’s awkwardness was always announcing itself in some way. He would be the one who could be counted upon to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. When Philip and Joshua would be settling down, Carson would be unable to sit still. When Philip and Joshua were trading jokes, Carson would stumble over himself to throw in something funny but never seemed to hit the mark. In an attempt to get the attention of Debbie, Katie or any of the other girls, he would try acting effeminate and could not understand why his efforts had no positive impact.
But somehow Philip and Joshua have always liked Carson and have been happy to tolerate his immaturity. If anything, Philip blames Carson’s mother. As Philip sees it, Carson’s mother doesn’t seem to get it. She’s constantly embarrassing Carson in front of his peers and always trying to control him, even in the most minor things. There is a lot of truth behind Philip’s assessment. But Amelia sees things from a more balanced perspective. Carson’s mother adopted Carson and his younger brother Eric from the foster care system when the two were already in elementary school. As the children of addicts, Carson and Eric suffered significant neglect at key moments in life and have difficulty with trust and relationships. Despite large amounts of effort, Carson’s adopted parents have never been able to get Carson and Eric to even keep their word on basic things like doing their homework or cleaning their rooms. As the one who suffered neglect the longest, there has been a genuine concern that Carson would never become a self-supporting adult. Carson has done little to earn his adopted parents’ trust. When Carson first entered high school, his mother told him that she would not permit him to have a girlfriend. Carson argued back by telling her, “That’s not fair! Why can’t I have a girlfriend? There’s a guy in my grade who’s already gotten a girl pregnant!” Sadly, Carson had no concept of how egregiously counter-productive his argument sounded.
In most cases, we haven’t felt Carson was any real threat to Philip. The exception was with horsing around. Philip and Joshua always knew when to stop. Carson always took things to the extreme until someone got hurt. In middle school, the boys were racing along beside a four foot high chain-link fence. As Philip approached a section of the fence with a gate at a full sprint, Carson pushed open the gate so that Philip crashed his chest into the metal pole on the top of the gate, almost cracking a rib and delivering a bruise that took months to heal. But in normal circumstances like watching movies and going to the beach, Carson has just been Philip and Joshua’s slightly “off” friend.
But just a few months back, we suddenly witnessed a seemingly unbelievable and almost overnight change in Carson for the better. Our three families (Philip’s, Joshua’s and Carson’s) volunteered one night at the local homeless shelter, helping the children decorate the community dining hall for the Holidays. Carson was joined by someone we didn’t recognize at first. We hadn’t seen Sophia since the summer before she went off to Conquistador Middle School and Philip went of to Hermes Middle School. The girl had transformed significantly. As a teenager, Sophia looked like the heroine from an amine adventure. Her hair was bleached to platinum blond with streaks of hot pink in a pair of high, pigtails that spread out in waves from each side of her head in perfect diving arcs. She was thin with a tight sweater and tight jeans that ended well above her ankles to reveal patterned socks above modest sneakers. A backpack completed the look of an anime heroine.
As we were setting up for the volunteer event, Carson casually walked toward the kitchen to get a broom. Sophia followed behind him without being asked or invited. I’d never seen anyone follow after Carson before. And yet there was more. Sophia looked relaxed around Carson. Debbie and Katie in contrast always looked like they were on their guard near him. Sophia settled down at a table with Carson, Philip and Joshua. The bantering from Philip and Joshua was the same as always. But Carson did not seem desperate to toss in a joke. Instead he let at least five jokes from the other two boys go by before something truly funny occurred to him. He let it out with perfect timing and was rewarded with genuine laughter from Sophia, Joshua and Philip. That afternoon, Carson looked more relaxed that I had ever seen him. Additionally, he managed to successfully cut out the Holiday ornaments like Philip and Joshua were doing. But what was most noticeable was Sophia’s expressions and body language. She was treating Carson with respect. And for the first time ever, I saw Carson acting like he deserved respect.
In the weeks since, we have seen Carson several times. Half the time Sophia is there but half the time she is not there. While we suspect some kind of developing romance, Carson’s parents insist she is merely his good friend. And despite our suspicions, we have witnessed nothing that would serve as actual evidence that the two were more than friends. But whether Sophia is present or not, Carson is different. He looks like he finally believes in himself. Carson’s mother continues to behave in the manner that Philip finds particularly annoying and the truth is Carson still has a long way to go. But something has clearly happened in the core of Philip’s friend Carson. And the only the thing I can tie it to is his friendship with Sophia. Some would say young women have a civilizing effect on young men. Perhaps it is true. Then again, perhaps Sophia really is an anime heroine after all.
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