The Unmistakable Signs of Womanhood

Entering Middle School was one milestone for Chloe but it was quickly followed by another milestone. She had her first period. During the summer prior to middle school, she had started wearing a bra regularly. For Chloe, the migration into adolescence, including having her first boyfriend, all happened within a very short period of time. And fortunately, she is comfortable talking about it with her parents.

One problem was with Physical Education (PE) class. While getting used to sanitary napkins, her PE teacher yelled at her for not running fast enough. While one would think Middle School teachers have figured out the subtle signals young girls exhibit, clearly not all of them have.

Chloe’s friends have various levels of desire and comfort talking about their new experiences as young women. Holly is particularly engaging with Chloe. And it probably helps that the two go to different schools. At one point the two became so absorbed talking with one another that they failed to notice my presence working on my laptop at the other side of the family room. As Chloe and Holly continued their discussion and got more comfortable with one another, their words became progressively more detailed.

“Uh, girls,” I spoke up. They suddenly turned toward me. “Would you like me to go work somewhere else while you two talk?” They didn’t quite know what to say. I tried to answer for them. “That’s probably a good idea, huh?”

“Yeah. That’s probably a good idea,” Holly began and Chloe finished. They continued their conversation in whispers while I packed up and took my work elsewhere.

For Chloe every time she is able to talk about “girl things” for the first time with a friend, it seems to draw them closer.

A few weeks back, Chloe was invited to a sleepover birthday party at Patty’s house. Jasmine was there and so was Stephanie. Chloe and Stephanie had drifted apart over the years. It wasn’t that their friendship had ended. Instead, the two just ended up spending more time with others. Patty was a close friend of each, so Chloe and Stephanie were each one of the four girls sleeping over at Patty’s house that night.

There was a lot of “girl talk” that evening. Patty and a girl named Heather got into a conversation about girls’ chest sizes. Chloe was sitting near them and heard it all. Patty and Heather liked being at the head of the bell curve regarding their own chest sizes. Chloe and Stephanie were average. Jasmine and the remaining girl at party were still undeveloped in that regard, and so they ended up ignoring the first conversation to engage in their own.

It also meant that Chloe and Stephanie got time to talk. And they got to talking more than they had in a very long time. They discovered that each of them not only had her first period but also that they both were dealing with it at the time. It was a special bonding time for Chloe and Stephanie. They complained about doing stretches in PE class and how uncomfortable it is. They talked about boys, but didn’t mention either Lars or Eddie.

At one point Patty called Chloe “flat” and Stephanie was quick to come to Chloe’s defense saying, “No she’s not!” Heather also ended up being particularly difficult to Chloe during the party. Normally the two got a long really well. Chloe felt particularly hurt by some of the things Heather and Patty said and the fact that Chloe was having her period amplified the feelings of hurt and betrayal. The girls struggled with cattiness that evening. Jasmine ended up calling Patty a “douche bag” which upset Patty a little and bothered Chloe even more because she initially thought Jasmine was calling Chloe a “douche bag” as well.

At home we helped Chloe honestly assess what had happened at the party. We were really happy about how she had connected with Stephanie. And we helped her forgive Heather and Patty for the offenses. Patty quickly regretted some of the things she had said to Chloe and took it upon herself to call Chloe to apologize. The friendship proved stronger than the one offense and Patty’s initiative in reconciling meant a lot to Chloe. Jasmine on the other hand was continuing to prove more difficult. Jasmine’s supposed apologies came out as excuses and accusations, complaining that everyone else was cursing and that people shouldn’t be so sensitive.

Middle school is hard enough on its own. Experiencing the unmistakable signs of womanhood for the first time adds to the difficuly of middle school. Some like Chloe, Holly, Patty and Stephanie seem to handle it reasonably well and know how to find support in others. It makes me proud as a parent. I am proud of Chloe’s behavior as well as her choice of friends.