Sometimes I’m Just a Big Kid

There are so many aspects to good parenting. The goal is ensure my kids become competent, successful adults. But I want the process to be fun and to include many great memories for them and for me. So there is a side benefit for me as a parent. I can partially re-enjoy things that make one’s formative years so enjoyable. Most of it is vicarious. But some of it involves simply being a big kid. With Philip or Chloe, I will watch youth-targeted television and movies, practice sports and sometimes even play games: both group and individual games. More recently, I’ve been playing two computer games. One is Silent Hunter and the other is Navy Field. Both mimic naval battles from World War II. I am particularly fond of submarine movies and my all time favorite movie is Das Boot. In both games, I have put myself in command of a German U-boat.

In Silent Hunter, I have no choice but to skipper a submarine. I end up sinking scores of Allied ships before I need to start over. My computer assumes the role of the not-very-well skippered Allied ships I manage to sink over the course of half an hour of play time. At this point, I know the game well enough that it is really just a shooting gallery with some excellent graphics. Rarely am I in danger of being sunk, even when facing four or more fresh Destroyers or Battleships.

In Navy Field, every ship is commanded by a real person somewhere in the world. The game includes small Frigates, Destroyers, Cruisers, Aircraft Carriers, Battleships and Submarines. As players become more experienced, Navy Field permits them to skipper progressively more powerful and diverse ships, and to fire progressively more powerful weapons with progressively more accuracy. A typical Navy Field battle involves twenty to thirty-five ships on each team and lasts ten to fifteen minutes. Normally, only five to ten ships survive a battle. There is a special rush associated with sneaking up on an enemy ship, firing off a torpedo, hopefully sinking or at least severely damaging the enemy and then scurrying off before depth charges take me out, or lack of air forces me to the surface in close range to angry enemy canons. There is a special thrill in advancing to qualify for a better submarine, better torpedoes or a better deck gun and then using the new item for the first time in mock combat. There is likewise a feeling of trepidation as I dive trying to avoid enemy fire or surface to unknown threats after diving. And there is a brief regret when my submarine is sunk and a sense of brief victory when I survive an entire battle. If I am not careful, I can let a lot of time pass while playing submarine commander on the computer.

But perhaps the best part of playing these games is sharing the experience with Philip. Philip does not play computer games nearly as much as his peers. And he greatly prefers shooting at virtual zombies or soldiers over battling virtual maritime vessels. But he has his own Navy Field account and borrows mine from time to time. He’ll even play Silent Hunter from time to time but he is not motivated to get good enough to survive an entire campaign. Sometimes he will simply watch me play. He always seems to enjoy having me recount a new or unusual experience I have on the virtual battlefield.

In contrast, Philip tends not to like me asking him about school, his homework, what he did with his friends or anything about his private world. For those things, he comes to me or we don’t talk about them at all. He’d rather hear about my day at work than answer my questions about his day at school.

But there is more to the submarine games and other things I do outside my age. I like stepping into Philip’s world. I like doing things that I would be doing if I were a teenager today rather than three decades ago. I like listening to the music Philip and Chloe like, as much as I like listening to the music from my teen years. Both allow me to revisit the formative years. I like being a fan of the Hermes High School sports teams, and I like reading the news of how my former high school’s sports teams are doing today. And more recently, I like playing submarine commander. Sometimes I’m just a big kid and every parent deserves to be a big kid from time to time.