Great Outcome, But Did I Over-Parent?

Perhaps this is a normal part of parenting a teen. But it seems like more and more often, I am finding myself undecided as to whether I am over-parenting. I still question whether or not I should have taken Philip to see his first R-Rated movie at age fourteen. I still question the degree to which I intervened in how Philip carried out his relationship and eventual breakup with Layla. And now, I question how much I intervened helping Philip to nail down his first summer job.

Summer is difficult for fifteen-year-olds. Fifteen-year-olds are too old for traditional summer camp, but not old enough for most jobs. And it is already difficult for teens to nail down gainful summer employment. Back when I was fifteen, I worked for minimum wage as a weekend pool attendant. That was a frustrating summer. I didn’t even work every weekend. The following summer when I was sixteen was even more frustrating because I was unemployed. I was hoping Philip would enjoy something better.

Philip had one huge advantage. He did not need any more income. He already commanded a high hourly wage refereeing. That meant he could work for free as an intern somewhere. Rather than going through the usual channels like the vocations office at Hermes High School, I decided to get creative. I thought about Philip’s actual skills and abilities and how he could actually deliver value in a business context.

I found my creative solution in the heart of leading-edge business creativity: An online advertising agency. The advertising agency was conveniently located a short walk from one of the city bus stops in Santa Carla. I knew the CEO but could not say I was on the best terms with him. This was going to be interesting, and it was going to be fun.

I first pitched the idea to Philip. In exchange for the chance to do interesting and relevant work during the summer, he would be willing to work for free or at most a modest stipend. The idea was simple. He would research, identify and at least partially qualify relevant youth-oriented websites for the agency’s clients to potentially place online advertisements. Philip liked the idea. But the hard part was ahead.

Next I contacted the CEO. Since the CEO was an avid user of online tools, I was able to contact him via instant messenger. “Hi Ken. Do you have a minute? I have a business idea that might have huge appeal.” When he responded favorably, I continued with my pitch. “My son is an honors student at Hermes High School. He earns $15 - $25 per hour refereeing, so he doesn’t need to earn any additional money this summer. He’s willing to work for free or for only a modest stipend in order to gain meaningful experience in a summer internship. We were thinking he could assist your advertising executives by doing research on the internet to identify high-traffic, youth-oriented sites on which to place advertisements for your clients.”

“Hmmm,” Ken typed back to me on the instant messenger. “Let me think about it as well as run the idea by a couple of my account managers. Give me until next Tuesday. Then message me again.” We had passed the first screen. When Tuesday came along, Ken agreed to schedule an interview for Philip. We scheduled it during a business day when Philip was on his Spring break. Philip dressed in the jacket, oxford cloth shirt, dress pants and dress shoes we had bought for him to wear for dances just three and a half months earlier. The pants were already so tight he could barely button them around his waist. I had shown Philip the advertising agency’s website and had explained how to handle an interview.

The agency was doing better than it had been the last time I had visited. They were in a new office that sported bright wall paint in the company’s color on the North and South facing walls. There were high ceilings and fifteen to twenty, seven foot trees in boulder-sized pots. Most of the staff members were in their twenties or early-thirties. The exceptions were Ken and CFO. In short, the place was hip – or whatever word Philip would use to mean hip. A recently hired account executive had been scheduled to practice his corporate presentation to his manager. Ken had Philip sit in on the presentation to determine whether or not Philip could grasp the company’s business model.

Philip passed their final screen and was offered an internship. It was a big score in his mind and in my mind. I expect Philip will have fun and will learn a lot. He’ll also get up to take up to two weeks off, so that his summer won’t be all work. Philip will need to regularly referee on weekends in order to maintain his desired teen lifestyle. But as a package it looks good. Still, I wonder if I over-parented. The internship was my brain-child, not his. I hope I modeled going off the beaten path rather than simply doing it for him. Time will tell. At this point in Philip’s life, when it comes to his success in life I am going to err in the direction of over-parenting.