Keeping the Hopes Alive

Erica, the extremely popular girl, won’t be dissolving into the sea of Philip’s gal-peers any time soon. Light itself behaves differently when it touches her. Her eyes are engaging. Her smile is alluring. Her laugher is intoxicating. She is thin, toned and shapely. Inside, Erica is still a fourteen-year-old girl. She is a tangled and imbalanced mixture of maturity and immaturity, wisdom and foolishness, bravery and insecurity, kindness and cruel insensitivity. Rightly, wrongly or both, Erica is the sole owner of Philip’s young adolescent heart.

Philip knows he holds some place in Erica’s heart, but his prominence therein is a mystery to him. He catches looks, overhears perhaps intended whispers, and sometimes even witnesses her usual confidence melt in front of him. Is she single-minded or fickle? Is she working to cultivate the interest of multiple guys? Or is Philip the only one? He doesn’t know. He analyzes her words and actions endlessly.

The first school dance was on a Friday. She had held him close and tight. They had seemingly connected, singing the final song of the evening into one another’s faces. He fired off a carefully crafted note to her the day after the dance, but there was no answer. Then on Monday evening, she announced to the world via her Facebook page that she was dating Bruce, one of the football players. On Wednesday, Erica finally broke the silence between her and Philip. Philip was heading out from his final class of the day and walking with a friend. A girl's voice called out from behind him, “Phil.” Nobody calls him Phil except some of his teachers, so at first he kept walking. But there it was again, “Phil” only louder, closer, and this time the voice was more recognizable and clearly directed at him. Philip turned around and there was Erica. She was alone. Philip had never seen Erica alone before.

“Hi Erica,” he said. Philip could see his friend was in total shock at the sight of Erica behind them. Philip looked back at Erica. And for the first time he saw her looking lost and uncertain. There was a long silence as Philip waited to hear what Erica wanted to say. Her mouth opened but no words came out. He saw her inhale and then pause again. Philip had just chosen his words to break the awkward silence when one of Erica’s friends called out to her from nearby. She smiled and hurried over to her friend.

The brief exchange was all it took to keep Philip’s hopes alive. A week later, Philip saw Erica was online so he initiated a chat. They briefly chatted about wearing braces. Then Philip asked how things were going between her and the football player.

Philip: Hey whats up.

Erica: hey philip! nothing much what about yourself?

Philip: Nothing really...

Erica: Sweeeeet haha

Philip: So where were you during history?

Erica:i had an ortho appoiontment!

Philip Ohh.. so your braces are off now

Erica: no not yet, they come off in the beginning of decemberr

Philip: I still got 6 months or something

Erica: aww that sucks, i had mine on for 2 yeears

Philip: wow... So how are you and Bruce getting along ... If I can ask...

Erica: we're alright..i dont think its gonna last though

Philip: Hmmm... did something happen?

Erica: no i just really dont do well in relationships

Philip stared at the screen of his gaming laptop not knowing what to type next. Before he could decide, Erica went offline. But she had confided a secret. It was another one of those acts that kept Philip’s hopes alive. It would prove to be just one of many. The next day, Erica publicly dumped Bruce during the morning break. The relationship had lasted just ten days. The whole school knew about it by the end of lunch. But Philip had known the night before it happened. But he wasn’t going to let anyone know about his advance knowledge. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a secret. And it is things like secrets that keep the hopes alive.