We've established quite a few family traditions for our nuclear family. On Christmas Eve, we each open a wrapped gift of new pajamas. Twice each year we create a family CD that is a mix of new hit music and timeless hits from the previous generation. Lately, the kids have begun to develop their own taste in music and they have played an increasing role in selecting the music we squeeze onto each new 80 minute family CD. These family CDs are an intentional "soundtrack of life" for our family to stir up memories when they are bound to be played again long, long from now.
Then the unexpected happened. First Philip kept asking me to play an old Jefferson Airplane Marty Balin ballad on one of my car CDs. Curious, I played some Grateful Dead music for Philip. Before I knew it, both Philip and Chloe had decided they liked the Grateful Dead.
Isn't there supposed to be a sacred generation gap between parents and their kids, particularly when it comes to music? It was one thing for the kids to like mainstream classic rock and new wave from the 70s and 80s: Moody Blues, Rolling Stones, Blondie, Queen and the B-52s. And somehow it was cool that mom and dad liked Nickelback, Coldplay, Linkin Park and even the Jonas Brothers. After all, as a adolescent I could enjoy Elvis, Chuck Berry and Ray Charles.
But I needed to be an adult before I could enjoy Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller. I feel this is uncharted territory. The Grateful Dead is so then, and so not now. Philip and Chloe were suposed to say, "Ugh! Put on something else!!" Instead, Chloe turns on Shakedown Street or Touch of Grey and starts dancing. Instead Philip sings Dire Wolf and Uncle John's Band under his breath while he cleans his room.
So this turn of unexpected events has led me to adapt the family tradition. As the calendar turned from winter to spring, I sat in front of the laptop with Philip and Chloe listening to 30 second samples of Grateful Dead recordings. A few downloads and a disc-burn later, we had a mid-season family CD of 19 Grateful Dead recordings. I titled our new CD Springtime for the Grateful Dead. It seemed an appropriate name for an unexpected success.
I'd just gotten comfortable with my kids liking the Grateful Dead when I had one of Philip's friends in the car. I turned on the engine and the CD began playing. "Ugh!" the friend said, "What is that? Country? Put on something else!!" I guess the generation gap is still reasonably intact.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Will This Friendship Survive the Transition to High School?
Two of Philip's friends hold a special place in my heart: Raul and Craig. There is nothing in my power I would not do for either Raul or Craig. In 2002, Raul was the first kid in Hermes to befriend Philip when he was the new kid in town. In 2006, Craig walked Philip home from Hermes Middle School as a quasi "body guard" each day after a jaw injury left Philip highly vulnerable to being re-injured. These past two years while Philip has been at Oak Hills Charter School, Philip has kept up his friendship with Raul, Craig and a handful of other loyal friends. This past weekend they all celebrated Philip's fourteenth birthday playing laser tag.
While all of his friends were committed to making Philip's birthday celebration a happy memory for Philip and conducted themselves accordingly, it was my first chance to carefully observe the undercurrents in Craig's relationship with Philip's other friends. And the picture was not promising. Craig's peers from Hermes Middle School generally avoided Craig. Fortunately, Philip had one other friend from Oak Hills Charter School who had no reason not to be friendly with Craig.
It is easy to see it as an adult. Craig's upbringing, temperment and some normal young adolescent immaturity have come together to form the perfect storm. In sixth grade, Craig's size, stength and bravado ensured Philip was undeniably safe from eighth grade bullies who might have unwittingly re-injured Philip's jaw. But the following year those same qualities labelled Craig the aggressor when he knocked down a fellow seventh grader who was harrassing him. Craig was suspended and the Middle School rumor mill ground to powder what little was left of Craig's good reputation. During the past year, Craig's reputation has not improved. Craig's typical response to the caution his peers exhibit toward him has had the exact opposite of the desired effect. And so Craig is alone. Craig's one clear friend is Philip who attends another school.
Next year, Philip will be going to Hermes High School with Craig, Raul and all of Philip's other friends from Hermes Middle School. I often wonder what will become of Philip's friendship with Craig once they transition to High School. On one extreme, Philip might prove to be the lone voice of reason Craig will heed regarding his behavior. On the other extreme, Craig might sabotage his friendship with Philip the way Craig has sabotaged his friendship with Raul and all of Philip's other friends. I hope for the former outcome, but I am very aware of just how likely it is that the latter outcome will prevail.
As mentioned above, there is nothing in my power I would not do for Craig. But with this challenge in Craig's life, I have little to no power. I find it an interesting twist to know that my son Philip has much more power to help Craig than I do. I have spoken with Philip about this more than once. He understands. But he doesn't know whether or not he can be any real help to Craig. Philip sees the road ahead of him, knowing there will be a moment of confrontation between him and Craig during which either Craig will choose to heed Philip's words or Craig will drive away his last remaining friend. What is it going to be? The Lady or the Tiger? I wish I knew.
Will this friendship survive the transition to High School? Only time will tell.
While all of his friends were committed to making Philip's birthday celebration a happy memory for Philip and conducted themselves accordingly, it was my first chance to carefully observe the undercurrents in Craig's relationship with Philip's other friends. And the picture was not promising. Craig's peers from Hermes Middle School generally avoided Craig. Fortunately, Philip had one other friend from Oak Hills Charter School who had no reason not to be friendly with Craig.
It is easy to see it as an adult. Craig's upbringing, temperment and some normal young adolescent immaturity have come together to form the perfect storm. In sixth grade, Craig's size, stength and bravado ensured Philip was undeniably safe from eighth grade bullies who might have unwittingly re-injured Philip's jaw. But the following year those same qualities labelled Craig the aggressor when he knocked down a fellow seventh grader who was harrassing him. Craig was suspended and the Middle School rumor mill ground to powder what little was left of Craig's good reputation. During the past year, Craig's reputation has not improved. Craig's typical response to the caution his peers exhibit toward him has had the exact opposite of the desired effect. And so Craig is alone. Craig's one clear friend is Philip who attends another school.
Next year, Philip will be going to Hermes High School with Craig, Raul and all of Philip's other friends from Hermes Middle School. I often wonder what will become of Philip's friendship with Craig once they transition to High School. On one extreme, Philip might prove to be the lone voice of reason Craig will heed regarding his behavior. On the other extreme, Craig might sabotage his friendship with Philip the way Craig has sabotaged his friendship with Raul and all of Philip's other friends. I hope for the former outcome, but I am very aware of just how likely it is that the latter outcome will prevail.
As mentioned above, there is nothing in my power I would not do for Craig. But with this challenge in Craig's life, I have little to no power. I find it an interesting twist to know that my son Philip has much more power to help Craig than I do. I have spoken with Philip about this more than once. He understands. But he doesn't know whether or not he can be any real help to Craig. Philip sees the road ahead of him, knowing there will be a moment of confrontation between him and Craig during which either Craig will choose to heed Philip's words or Craig will drive away his last remaining friend. What is it going to be? The Lady or the Tiger? I wish I knew.
Will this friendship survive the transition to High School? Only time will tell.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Killing Multiple Birds with One Lemonade Stand
Chloe had already asked many times. “I want to set up a lemonade stand so I can earn enough money to buy my own camera.” And I had told her she could set up a lemonade stand on a day when she and her brother both had morning soccer games which was about half of the Saturdays this past soccer season.
The day Chloe got my nod, it was over one hundred degrees Fahrenheit by 11:00 AM when we went to buy ice, cups, lemonade and bottled water for Chloe’s lemonade stand. Chloe had a small table and small chairs that would fit in the back of the car. A table cloth and a print-out of prices completed her business kiosk. She had plenty of money for inventory from her allowance. We promised to buy back from her any full half-gallons of lemonade and any un-purchased water bottles. That made her only fixed cost the ice and cups.
We returned home with Chloe’s inventory by 11:30 AM. We put the ice into the freezer and then I looked up the day’s soccer schedules online. The perfect soccer game was just six miles away at 1:00 PM. Why was it perfect? Philip had just begun eighth grade. His gal-peers Jocelyn and Charlotte had moved on to Hermes High School, so he hadn’t seen them since the end of the previous school year. But both gal-peers were playing on the town’s U15 Girls Division III soccer team. And their game started today at 1:00 PM, just six miles away.
I had no trouble convincing Philip to join us to help Chloe run her lemonade stand. We arrived comfortably before the game, but not early enough to secure any meaningful business from the players and observers of the previous game. Chloe carried the cups, ice and table cloth and then guarded her stash. Philip and I brought everything else—table, chair and inventory—in two trips to her place of business right next to the bleachers.
Philip stood leaning forward against a fence about ten feet from Chloe watching the game observing how the girls’ teams played differently from the boys’ teams. I walked over to the bleachers and sat next to Jocelyn’s mother.
At half time, Chloe’s business began to show a profit. And the observers took quiet note of the fact that there were discounted refill prices and that soccer players could get lemonade for refill prices if they autographed her soccer jersey. After half-time, Philip and I returned to our locations of preference and enjoyed watching the game. Fortunately, though close, the Hermes team was winning.
As the game came to an end, we realized there were no other teams waiting and so Chloe’s business would need to shut down. Philip and I were able to take the remaining inventory in one trip. On the way back, Charlotte and her family were exiting the field area just as we were returning. Philip slowed down, made eye contact, waved and said “Hi Charlotte.”
Charlotte never slowed her pace. She let out a barely audible “hi,” barely met his gaze and then put her head down as she passed us with her caravan of family and one friend.
Jocelyn proved to be the polar opposite. As we approached Chloe’s kiosk, Jocelyn was standing in front purchasing the largest sized cup and waving friends over to do likewise. She had the marker in her hand and was proudly signing Chloe’s jersey with her name, team name, her jersey number, and the words “You Rock,” complete with a smiley face. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d timed it so she would be looking up and stepping away from the kiosk just as Philip walked up. Philip approached cautiously expecting an equally awkward reception, but his expectations were wrong.
“Hi Philip! What are you doing here? Is this your sister?”
“Hi Jocelyn. Yes. This is my sister Chloe. You were awesome out there.”
“Thank you! And what an awesome idea this lemonade stand is. You’re so nice to be helping your sister earn money for her camera.”
Jocelyn’s teammate chimed in after completing her jersey signature. “This is such a great idea! I wish I had done this when I was younger.”
Philip and Jocelyn continued chatting moving away from Chloe’s kiosk toward the bleachers as a line of people wanting lemonade blocked me from hearing clearly whatever else Jocelyn and Philip were saying to one another. So I stayed near the kiosk, keeping watch to ensure Chloe had no difficulty providing correct change to families buying more than one cup of lemonade.
But what occupied my mind were Jocelyn’s emotional maturity and her social confidence in particular. Admittedly, Jocelyn had not turned down an invitation from Philip to join him for a formal dance as Charlotte had.* But Jocelyn had already demonstrated her depth on the ball-field. While athletically equal or perhaps even below what was average on her team, Jocelyn proved to be a top player because of her boldness. It was a boldness Philip as a soccer player and I as a soccer coach could immediately recognize. Jocelyn carried that boldness off the field as confidently as she did on the field. I couldn’t imagine her lowering her head in response to a greeting from a guy-peer, especially one who was still in Middle School. I was pleased to see how comfortable Philip was speaking with her. And I was pleased Chloe got to interact with her as well, because that is just how I would like Chloe to be when she reaches Jocelyn’s age.
And so the lemonade stand was a success. Chloe earned $9.75. Philip got to see Charlotte and Jocelyn. And I managed to get both my kids to interact with and observe a socially confident teenager. I guess I could say we killed multiple birds with one lemonade stand.
* That story appears in The Most Awkward Teen Interaction.
The day Chloe got my nod, it was over one hundred degrees Fahrenheit by 11:00 AM when we went to buy ice, cups, lemonade and bottled water for Chloe’s lemonade stand. Chloe had a small table and small chairs that would fit in the back of the car. A table cloth and a print-out of prices completed her business kiosk. She had plenty of money for inventory from her allowance. We promised to buy back from her any full half-gallons of lemonade and any un-purchased water bottles. That made her only fixed cost the ice and cups.
We returned home with Chloe’s inventory by 11:30 AM. We put the ice into the freezer and then I looked up the day’s soccer schedules online. The perfect soccer game was just six miles away at 1:00 PM. Why was it perfect? Philip had just begun eighth grade. His gal-peers Jocelyn and Charlotte had moved on to Hermes High School, so he hadn’t seen them since the end of the previous school year. But both gal-peers were playing on the town’s U15 Girls Division III soccer team. And their game started today at 1:00 PM, just six miles away.
I had no trouble convincing Philip to join us to help Chloe run her lemonade stand. We arrived comfortably before the game, but not early enough to secure any meaningful business from the players and observers of the previous game. Chloe carried the cups, ice and table cloth and then guarded her stash. Philip and I brought everything else—table, chair and inventory—in two trips to her place of business right next to the bleachers.
Philip stood leaning forward against a fence about ten feet from Chloe watching the game observing how the girls’ teams played differently from the boys’ teams. I walked over to the bleachers and sat next to Jocelyn’s mother.
At half time, Chloe’s business began to show a profit. And the observers took quiet note of the fact that there were discounted refill prices and that soccer players could get lemonade for refill prices if they autographed her soccer jersey. After half-time, Philip and I returned to our locations of preference and enjoyed watching the game. Fortunately, though close, the Hermes team was winning.
As the game came to an end, we realized there were no other teams waiting and so Chloe’s business would need to shut down. Philip and I were able to take the remaining inventory in one trip. On the way back, Charlotte and her family were exiting the field area just as we were returning. Philip slowed down, made eye contact, waved and said “Hi Charlotte.”
Charlotte never slowed her pace. She let out a barely audible “hi,” barely met his gaze and then put her head down as she passed us with her caravan of family and one friend.
Jocelyn proved to be the polar opposite. As we approached Chloe’s kiosk, Jocelyn was standing in front purchasing the largest sized cup and waving friends over to do likewise. She had the marker in her hand and was proudly signing Chloe’s jersey with her name, team name, her jersey number, and the words “You Rock,” complete with a smiley face. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d timed it so she would be looking up and stepping away from the kiosk just as Philip walked up. Philip approached cautiously expecting an equally awkward reception, but his expectations were wrong.
“Hi Philip! What are you doing here? Is this your sister?”
“Hi Jocelyn. Yes. This is my sister Chloe. You were awesome out there.”
“Thank you! And what an awesome idea this lemonade stand is. You’re so nice to be helping your sister earn money for her camera.”
Jocelyn’s teammate chimed in after completing her jersey signature. “This is such a great idea! I wish I had done this when I was younger.”
Philip and Jocelyn continued chatting moving away from Chloe’s kiosk toward the bleachers as a line of people wanting lemonade blocked me from hearing clearly whatever else Jocelyn and Philip were saying to one another. So I stayed near the kiosk, keeping watch to ensure Chloe had no difficulty providing correct change to families buying more than one cup of lemonade.
But what occupied my mind were Jocelyn’s emotional maturity and her social confidence in particular. Admittedly, Jocelyn had not turned down an invitation from Philip to join him for a formal dance as Charlotte had.* But Jocelyn had already demonstrated her depth on the ball-field. While athletically equal or perhaps even below what was average on her team, Jocelyn proved to be a top player because of her boldness. It was a boldness Philip as a soccer player and I as a soccer coach could immediately recognize. Jocelyn carried that boldness off the field as confidently as she did on the field. I couldn’t imagine her lowering her head in response to a greeting from a guy-peer, especially one who was still in Middle School. I was pleased to see how comfortable Philip was speaking with her. And I was pleased Chloe got to interact with her as well, because that is just how I would like Chloe to be when she reaches Jocelyn’s age.
And so the lemonade stand was a success. Chloe earned $9.75. Philip got to see Charlotte and Jocelyn. And I managed to get both my kids to interact with and observe a socially confident teenager. I guess I could say we killed multiple birds with one lemonade stand.
* That story appears in The Most Awkward Teen Interaction.
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