Will This Friendship Survive the Transition to High School?

Two of Philip's friends hold a special place in my heart: Raul and Craig. There is nothing in my power I would not do for either Raul or Craig. In 2002, Raul was the first kid in Hermes to befriend Philip when he was the new kid in town. In 2006, Craig walked Philip home from Hermes Middle School as a quasi "body guard" each day after a jaw injury left Philip highly vulnerable to being re-injured. These past two years while Philip has been at Oak Hills Charter School, Philip has kept up his friendship with Raul, Craig and a handful of other loyal friends. This past weekend they all celebrated Philip's fourteenth birthday playing laser tag.

While all of his friends were committed to making Philip's birthday celebration a happy memory for Philip and conducted themselves accordingly, it was my first chance to carefully observe the undercurrents in Craig's relationship with Philip's other friends. And the picture was not promising. Craig's peers from Hermes Middle School generally avoided Craig. Fortunately, Philip had one other friend from Oak Hills Charter School who had no reason not to be friendly with Craig.

It is easy to see it as an adult. Craig's upbringing, temperment and some normal young adolescent immaturity have come together to form the perfect storm. In sixth grade, Craig's size, stength and bravado ensured Philip was undeniably safe from eighth grade bullies who might have unwittingly re-injured Philip's jaw. But the following year those same qualities labelled Craig the aggressor when he knocked down a fellow seventh grader who was harrassing him. Craig was suspended and the Middle School rumor mill ground to powder what little was left of Craig's good reputation. During the past year, Craig's reputation has not improved. Craig's typical response to the caution his peers exhibit toward him has had the exact opposite of the desired effect. And so Craig is alone. Craig's one clear friend is Philip who attends another school.

Next year, Philip will be going to Hermes High School with Craig, Raul and all of Philip's other friends from Hermes Middle School. I often wonder what will become of Philip's friendship with Craig once they transition to High School. On one extreme, Philip might prove to be the lone voice of reason Craig will heed regarding his behavior. On the other extreme, Craig might sabotage his friendship with Philip the way Craig has sabotaged his friendship with Raul and all of Philip's other friends. I hope for the former outcome, but I am very aware of just how likely it is that the latter outcome will prevail.

As mentioned above, there is nothing in my power I would not do for Craig. But with this challenge in Craig's life, I have little to no power. I find it an interesting twist to know that my son Philip has much more power to help Craig than I do. I have spoken with Philip about this more than once. He understands. But he doesn't know whether or not he can be any real help to Craig. Philip sees the road ahead of him, knowing there will be a moment of confrontation between him and Craig during which either Craig will choose to heed Philip's words or Craig will drive away his last remaining friend. What is it going to be? The Lady or the Tiger? I wish I knew.

Will this friendship survive the transition to High School? Only time will tell.