The Beach Ball

My generation of parents and educators raised in the “progressive” 70s and 80s have introduced something those raised in the “repressive” 40s and 50s did not impose when I was in my early teens: The beach ball.

What is the beach ball? It is an imaginary object between one dance partner and the other. In my day, hearing Stairway to Heaven or Freebird at a dance meant I would enjoy an extended, sleepy (alright, dreamy) embrace on the dance floor. But the experience of today’s young teens during a song such as Nickelback’s Far Away is subject to the “intimacy police” wandering around the dance floor equipped with flashlights to enforce the non-negotiable policy.

While I do not agree with all the heavy-handed rules imposed on my son and daughter’s generation, I’d have to say that on the balance I am pleased with the proactive stance my generation of parents is taking. The courtship that preceded my marriage of over seventeen years began after a five year non-dating friendship. I cannot think of any more preferable scenario for my son or daughter to establish the foundation of the most important relationship in life.

In contrast, the fits and starts of intimacy that characterized my early teens (while admittedly quite enjoyable in the moment) typically ended painfully. And truthfully, they are the source of nearly all the regret I have carried into adulthood. If anything, the skills of “love and affection” I developed in those early relationships had to be unlearned.

My hope for my early teen son is the same hope I will have for my daughter in a few years. I want him to have the emotional health and social confidence to develop great friendships with his peers: Both boys and girls.

I’m already seeing the interest in girls developing. And I’m pleased to see his interests and active fraternizing are directed toward the most emotionally healthy young teen girls he knows. One day, we’ll learn there is someone with the title of girlfriend. While I cannot predict everything, my take is she will be someone with whom he has already logged scores of hours over a number of months simply talking (or at least text messaging) without any premeditated agenda. And perhaps they will have even enjoyed a few spins on the dance floor with the beach ball between them.