Walking Between Classes with Boys

Hermes Middle School is probably very similar to thousands of middle schools across the country and across the world. The young adolescents like Chloe and her friends are given all kinds of cues to tell them they are older and more mature than they were just a few months back in elementary school.

There is no playground equipment. Instead the school has outdoor sports fields next to the campus and an indoor gymnasium with a full basketball court. The kids change classes for different subjects and see a different set of peers in each class. Teachers do not escort students like they did in elementary school, and in general the number of rules and the strictness of those rules have been greatly relaxed.

Two Very Different Honor Students

It was Philip’s first college fair. The Honors Advisor at Hermes High School had encouraged the Honor students in the Junior Class to attend. I took Philip and volunteered to give other students a ride. In the end, Philip was joined by just one of his peers: Evan.

I met Evan and his mother at Hermes High School the morning of the college fair. The contrast between Philip and Evan was immediate in their appearance alone. Philip was handsomely dressed in a new pair of jeans, an ironed but un-tucked button-up grey shirt and a semi-formal black jacket. He had showered with shampoo and conditioner plus and had combed his hair to perfection. Philip completed his look with a pair of dark plastic sunglasses. Meanwhile, Evan’s pewter-brown hair looked like it was washed only rarely with hand soap. His black t-shirt and tan cargo pants contrasted. His socks matched each other but not anything else in his attire. Philip’s clothing shocked Evan. “Oh … my dad told me I just had to wear something clean.”

Disparenting’s Impact on Friends and Friendships

Both Amelia and I like Jasmine’s Mother Rita and Katherine’s Father Jerry. But we have ultimately concluded that both Rita and Jerry have critical flaws in the way they parent. These flaws work themselves out in what I have come to call disparenting. And as Jasmine and Katherine trudge forward into adolescence, the fruit of various disparenting practices is becoming ever more pronounced. Poor life skills often result in poor marriage choices and relationship skills which lead to divorce and single-parenting. The stress and difficulty of single-parenting amplifies the negative impact of poor life skills. And once the kids begin to act out, the amplification can accelerate in a vicious cycle.