When Teen Life Intersects Adult Life

Teresa has been a good friend to Philip. I first saw Teresa at an off-season lacrosse game under the lights in Oxford Hills during November of Philip’s freshman year. While Amelia and I watched the game, Chloe paired off with Teresa’s younger sister to keep one another company. As it turned out, Teresa had a “new” boyfriend named Steven and he was playing Goalie on Philip’s off-season team. Even though she was there for her boyfriend, Teresa still made sure to spend some of her time after the game chatting with Philip.

Teresa is one year ahead of Philip at Hermes High School but she was in his Biology class during Philip’s freshman year. What I noticed most about Teresa when I first saw her in November were her mature and almost motherly features. Teresa had a huge smile, shoulder-length brown hair and carried herself more like a young adult and less like a teenager. She carried a large purse, wore little makeup and her clothing looked loose, practical and comfortable rather than tight, fashionable and uncomfortable. In dressing that way, Teresa deviated significantly from Hermes High School teenage girl normalcy.

Fast-forwarding to today, Teresa’s now “long term” boyfriend Steven is again on Philip’s off-season lacrosse team. But now Steven is a recent high school graduate. If it were not for Teresa, I would merely assume that Steven had enrolled in Junior College like the other recent graduates on Philip’s off-season team. But instead we know that Steven has enlisted in the U.S. Coast Guard and will be preparing for the possibility of active duty in the Persian Gulf shortly after the New Year. Until then, Steven is enjoying his last months of freedom, including having his share of fun playing Goalie for one last off-season. On the last weekend of the summer, Philip and I walked into town so that Philip could enjoy lunch from a local deli he particularly likes. When we arrived, one of the outdoor tables was occupied by Teresa and three other girls I did not immediately recognize. One of them saw Philip and waved, and soon the small crowd was calling him over to chat. I told Philip I would meet him inside the deli after he was done chatting with his friends. Philip spent a longer time than I had expected chatting with the girls but he eventually joined me in the deli, ordered his meal and the two of us began walking home. Philip was quiet as we began our walk back. When we were about a third of the way home, he began speaking. “Teresa told me her boyfriend Steven has enlisted in the U.S. Coast Guard. She’s really worried about him. They have very stringent requirements during basic training and then odds are he will be shipping off to the Persian Gulf once he completes basic training.”

I had expected the conversation in front of the deli was about the fact that high school was about to start again. Instead, they were speaking about very adult issues. College delays adulthood. But for those who do not take the college route, adulthood begins at age eighteen not long after high school graduation. Somehow, joining a military service like the Coast Guard is something particularly “adult” in my mind. I have already noted that the girls in Philip’s peer group tend to date older guys. Teresa is now the first to be dating an actual adult. And by extension, Philip now has a friend on his off-season lacrosse team who is an actual adult.

As I watched the first off-season game this past weekend, I found myself watching Steven almost as much as I was watching Philip. Like Teresa, Steven carries himself with a wide smile. I might have even noticed some “fatherly” looking features on the young man. In many ways he was the same kid who played under the lights in Oxford Hills last November. But life events like graduation and life choices like joining a branch of the military propel one forward. All of it reminds me of the ticking calendar. In three years, Philip may be headed off to college rather than the Coast Guard, but he will be roughly just as mature as Steven. Teen life will eventually intersect adult life, and that is a deep thought for a parent like me to ponder.