While the two are not particularly close, Philip and Davis travel within a loosely connected extended crowd that includes teens from all classes at Hermes and other nearby High Schools. Like Philip, Davis is fifteen and enjoying the summer between his freshman and sophomore year.
Philip met Davis one night in October at Charlotte’s house. There were perhaps forty-five teenagers present. Girls clearly but not ostentatiously outnumbered the guys. Just under half the guests were sophomores, followed by juniors, then seniors and finally freshmen. There were two freshman girls and three freshman guys: Philip was the only freshman guy from Hermes High School. Davis and the other freshman were from Conquistador.
Charlotte’s soiree highlighted the complex rituals of mutual validation high school girls carry on among one another particularly when greeting and saying good-bye. The rituals include shouting, squealing or even screaming one another’s names and nicknames, hugs and—especially when saying good-bye—the words I love you. These rituals are so important they spill over onto campus and online interactions as well as their interactions with guy friends. In social environments dominated by girls and these rituals, even the guys will cautiously hug and every so often even say I love you to one another.
But the rituals are not as simple as turning on a switch. Philip and Davis entered this crowd cautiously and likewise the crowd received them cautiously. It was two girls in the junior class, Renee and Jocelyn’s older sister Alison, who first started saying I love you to Philip and Davis. By January, the sophomore, junior and senior girls in the extended crowd had all made it a habit to say I love you to both Philip and Davis. The sophomore girls included Jocelyn, Jocelyn’s cousin Diana, one of the lacrosse player’s ex-girlfriend Teresa, Charlotte and Charlotte’s best friend Lauren, probably the most popular sophomore girl. The words I love you were often accompanied by a cautious hug. The freshman girls, however, would never give a public I love you to Philip or to Davis.
The words I love you were one thing and hugs were another. Girls nearly always give one another warm hugs. Guys—if they hug one another at all—give one another cautious hugs. The difference is that there is never any problem being close during a warm hug, but during a cautious hug, somebody is always being careful about just how close the hug is bringing them together.
Girls especially enjoy hugging in front of a camera. Girls will spend hours taking such photos. They often take the shots themselves in front of a mirror so that all present can be in the photos. Erica practically made a career of hugging in front of the camera. During the peak of her popularity, such hugs in front of the camera made Erica the other face in scores of profile pictures on Facebook. With guys, Erica would augment her sideways hug by pressing her hand and wrist onto the guy’s chest.
Since Philip never chases the camera, most pictures we see of him away from the family are taken with one or two girls sideways hugging him. During a Spring break trip to the beach on a cold day, Philip was in only four out of over a hundred taken. In each of the four, Alison and Philip had their arms around one another in a friendly, non-romantic sideways hug. After a barbeque, we saw a few pictures Philip enjoying sideways hugs with Teresa and Lauren. There were similar pictures from both events of Davis sideways hugging Jocelyn and Charlotte.
While Philip and Davis have been getting cautious hugs and the words I love you, Brian has been treated in a noticeably different manner all year. Brian is older and his popularity is huge. Brian, now between his junior and senior year, was Conquistador High School’s starting quarterback. Brian took Lauren as his date to his winter formal and Erica’s older sister as his date to his prom. No girl would ever condescend to give Brian a public I love you or hold back a warm hug. The lesson is a simple one. When a girl publicly says I love you to a guy, and hugs him cautiously, it carries genuine affection. But it also makes it clear he is not one of the hot guys and should not expect to be treated as such. In the eyes of any girl who is also a friend, Brian is unquestionably hot. But at least among older girls, Philip and Davis were not hot—at least until very recently.
On a sunny, windless and humid day in mid-July, many of the kids from the extended crowd were at a large pool together. The girls all wore two piece bikinis. The guys had their shirts off. Nearly everyone was in the pool chatting with one another. This was the first time Philip had his shirt off in front of these girls. While Davis had a belly spilling over his waistband, Philip could have been modeling for a Greek statue. His thin body and loose-fitting shirts had kept his six-pack abdomen plus his well-defined chest, shoulders and upper arms quietly hidden for months. But everyone present--including all the sophomore girls mentioned above—clearly witnessed Philip’s bulk, tone and fitness. When I picked him up and people were saying goodbyes, I noticed the change instantly. Philip was getting warm hugs from the girls and none of them were saying I love you. Davis was getting plenty of hugs, but they were all cautious and accompanied by the words I love you.
The change was not lost on Philip. Without anyone voting or and perhaps nobody even discussing it, Philip was now officially hot, and knowing it made him smile just a little.
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