A Modern Valentine’s Tale Begins

Erica’s treatment of Philip rapidly went from flirtatious to contemptuous as if she was preparing for life as paparazzi-harassed starlet. After turning down Philip’s invitation to go out, Erica blocked him on Facebook. It was unique. Philip knew there was at least one other guy who had asked her out that same week and he did not get the same treatment. Erica hadn’t even unfriended the football player she had the ten day hot-and-then-cold relationship with shortly after Philip and Erica met. But there it was for Philip: The digital equivalent of a restraining order.

Philip did not know what to think. But he was not intimidated and genuinely wanted to make things right by apologizing or confronting whoever might by telling Erica lies about him. But when he asked Erica directly, she flatly denied she had either blocked or unfriended him. “It must be a mistake,” she replied. But not long after she was heard spreading jokes about “not being friends any more.” And so Philip moved on. But a thin grey line had been drawn in the sand. If Erica had her way, one would be on either winning Team Erica or losing Team Philip. But the actual teaming that has developed appears to be more negative than positive and Philip was hardly losing. Erica has created and now leads something that would be more accurately described as Team against Philip since Erica is against Philip. For his part, Philip has found himself surrounded by a growing crowd of guys who have developed a particular dislike for Erica. He has become the rallying figurehead for Team We’re Sick of Erica.

This new set of guys rallying around Philip waste no time pointing out something they claim Erica does with regularity. Erica will draw a guy in with a smile, batting eyelashes and other flirtatious actions. But in such cases Erica has no real or genuine interest in the guy. And if the guy gets bold enough to pursue Erica, her treatment of the guy quickly swings into reverse, “Ew! No!” The result for Erica is a small crowd of timid, fawning, emasculated admirers. Even Erica's ex-boyfriend Bruce from the football team has not been immune. Not long after Bruce got his driver’s license, Erica had recruited him as her chauffer.

A teenage girls’ most often used offensive weapon against a teenage guy is to attack his dignity by making him look and feel undesirable. And Erica chose to bring the full force of her personal arsenal toward this end with Philip. It is worth noting here that teenage guys use the same weapon against teenage girls, but they also have other offensive weapons available to them in their social battles with teenage girls. Words like Slut, Whore and Bitch attack a teenage girl’s character and the appropriateness of her conduct. And the equivalent accusations against guys hold much less social stigma.

As a family, we have taught Philip not to go on the offensive. And so far, he understands the long term disadvantages of going on the offensive and is not facing severe temptation to do so. Instead we have taught him how to tactfully take a strong defensive position. “Yep. She’s really, really mad at me about something. Just ask her,” he might say with a smile and matter-of-fact demeanor. But he leaves the use of crude words and degrading stories for others. As a member of the lacrosse team, he gets to listen to it often in the safety and privacy of the guys’ changing room.

Initially, those willing to show Philip support appeared to be guys only. And to be fair, a girl would open herself up to teasing and ridicule if she were to show too much open support for Philip or any guy for that matter. But Valentine’s Day provided one girl with the opportunity to tell Philip he was far from undesirable. Hermes High School had a fund-raiser in which one could have a card and a rose delivered to any student on campus during the last day of school before Valentine’s weekend. Roses and cards were delivered during the period just before lunch. Philip was in the gymnasium for Physical Education. There were perhaps one hundred students—Freshmen and Sophomores—in the gymnasium when the delivery was made. Four Valentines arrived. Three were gifts to girls from their boyfriends. The fourth was an anonymous Valentine for Philip.

The guys and even a few girls in the gymnasium erupted with clapping and cat-calls. Some were happy merely to have a guy receive a Valentine. Others took particular pleasure in seeing Philip receive a token that underscored his desirability among teenage girls, despite all of Erica’s efforts. And although he did not know it at the time, the anonymous sender herself—a girl named Vienna—was present. In the moment, Philip had no idea whether the Valentine was genuine or a prank, so he approached the situation with caution that proved painful for Vienna to witness. Vienna carefully watched Philip as he kept his expression stoic while he accepted the gift from one of the school administrators and endured the more rowdy element’s teasing words. Vienna must have wondered if she had made a huge mistake sending Philip the anonymous Valentine. A few hours later, her status on Facebook merely read, “Valentine's Day...stinks.” Throughout the long weekend, friends left ineffectually supportive comments in response to Vienna’s words, but her only response was “None of you understand.”

Late the following week, Philip had received enough hints from mutual friends to know with near certainty that Vienna was his anonymous Valentine. He knew her, but not well. Philip liked Vienna and he thought she was pretty, but for several months prior up until less than twenty days earlier Philip’s heart and Philip’s eyes had belonged solely to Erica. His experience with Erica made Philip want to be cautious. How and when Philip will respond to Vienna’s crush and if Vienna’s crush on Philip will endure the wait and Philip’s unwillingness to show immediate enthusiasm is an open question. But that is why this is merely the beginning of a modern Valentine’s tale.

In the Circle and Perhaps Even an Emerging Campus Warlord

In Philip’s eyes, the moment was almost certainly no big deal. For him, the moment was most likely a logical continuation of a smooth stream of getting to know the people in one of his various crowds better. But for me it was a sharp contrast from what I had observed roughly eight months earlier. Eight months earlier, Renee was the rising eleventh-grader whose words to Philip during the carwash fundraiser had seemed potentially condescending to me. Renee was one of the social dominants inside a circle of teens that wouldn’t quite let Philip inside that day.

I saw Renee again last Friday when I dropped off Philip for a weekend teen snow trip. Renee and Philip had arrived at roughly the same time. Both had snowboards rather than skis, and both were submitting their health release forms and final payments at one end of the parking lot, while I carried half of Philip’s baggage to the bus at the other end of the parking lot. After I gave Philip’s final bag to the bus driver, I turned away and saw Philip and Renee stepping away from the group of registrants at the same time. Philip was now just slightly taller than Renee. Their body language spoke volumes. It did not contain affection. (That would have really surprised me.) But their heads were down and they were walking in unison as close as two teens could walk together without actually touching. What I saw was trust and mutual respect. Philip and Renee were sharing a conversation that was meant to be just between the two of them. The two were probably completely unaware of their shared body language. They walked all the way from one end of the parking lot to the other like that until they stepped onto the bus together. It was another situation where I didn’t mind not getting a goodbye.

Renee’s crowd was not the only group of teens in which Philip’s social standing had been advancing. As the school year progressed, Philip moved away from Tim and his crowd, and had instead enjoyed lunches with other freshmen. Philip’s newer lunchtime crowd has been mostly guys, and these guys seem to gain particular enjoyment watching Philip watching Philip interact with girls. Philip’s new crowd seemed to notice every signal Erica was sending to Philip. And they began pushing Philip to ask Erica out. But they had other designs as well.

One of the guys, Marty, wanted help meeting girls. So Philip joined Marty during lunch one day and asked two freshman girls if they could sit with them. The two girls quickly agreed and the four enjoyed a nice lunch together. But the next day Philip saw Marty talking with the same two girls at the beginning of lunch. As Philip approached to join them, the two girls walked away from Marty. “What happened?” Philip asked Marty.

“Well,” Marty answered. “It seems they BOTH have a crush on YOU.”

“Are you sure?” Philip laughed.

“Yes. I am ABSOLUTELY certain,” Marty answered with only a small degree of annoyance.

When one girl, Nancy, had confided with some of Philip’s lunchtime friends that she would really like to have a date for the Winter Formal, Marty and Philip’s other lunchtime friends began to push Philip to ask Nancy to the dance. And so only minutes later, Philip fearlessly asked Nancy to the dance, “That’s ironic,” she stared at Philip. “Somebody else just asked me to the dance less than five minutes ago and I told him yes.” It was a kind let-down. Philip stared back at her sharing her sense of odd timing. Then he looked behind him and gave an annoyed stare to his lunchtime crowd. The second look was not lost on Nancy. “Oh no!” Nancy exclaimed. “Did they tell you that you should ask me to the dance!” And she ran over to scold Philip’s lunchtime friends.

Lastly, Philip’s lunchtime crowd convinced Philip to finally ask out Erica. And so, Philip managed to pull together his courage and asked her out. It was exactly four months to the day after he had first danced with Erica. She gave him a disappointed look. “I like someone else,” was all she said in reply. He told nobody about the exchange. And it turned out she told nobody either because the next day Philip’s lunchtime crowd continued to push Philip to ask out Erica. He decided to leave them in the dark.

For me, I am glad Philip has gotten close to Renee and her crowd, and that Philip is someone his classmates admire. And I am especially glad Philip finally asked out Erica. I am especially glad for two reasons. First, if he was brave enough to ask out Erica, he will never be intimidated from pursuing someone. And second—now that Erica has turned him down—Philip’s heart is free to look elsewhere. I am anticipating not only a better match, but also someone more deserving.

The Truly Best Performance in My Eyes

Business trips are a necessary evil in my life these days. They take me to a completely different world. And the longer the business trip is, the more I notice the contrast between those two worlds. I live alone as opposed to with my family. I sleep in a small hotel room in a palace-like urban setting as opposed to a medium-sized house in a suburban upper-middle class development. The people I socialize with are business contacts rather than friends. The food is different. The drinking water is different. The climate is different. The soap, shampoo and water pressure are different. The mattress, pillows and bedding are different. The vehicle is different. And it may be a taxi driver or a colleague at the wheel. I’m even wearing different clothes: The wrinkle resistant business attire.

On my most recent business trip, I was gone for three nights. It was the annual sales conference for my company’s largest business partner, a $500 million software company. The conference was at a large hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. I cannot think of a city that is more different than Hermes.

On the second night of the conference, my manager and I were given second row seats to the most beautiful, creative and opulent live performance I have ever had the privilege to witness. It was LOVE, Cirque du Soleil's celebration of the music and artistic themes of The Beatles. It featured a large cast of acrobats, dancers, mimes and stunt professionals from age eight to age sixty-eight. No expense was spared in props, costumes, lighting, giant-screen video and other live effects. Even the seating was first rate. The cast looked like they were having fun as they danced and pranced with seemingly reckless abandon. And they knew they were great, especially the kids. My eyes were moist during Yesterday and Hey Jude. All of us in the audience were mesmerized. Over the course of the evening we became the lovely audience the cast would love to take home with them.

The sharp contrast to the jewel of Las Vegas’ live performances came the following Saturday. I had to get out of bed early that morning because Chloe’s basketball game began at 9:00 AM and she needed to be there at least twenty minutes early to practice. Cold Hermes rain fell to deliberately remind me I was no longer in the Nevada desert. The basketball game was held in the gymnasium at Hermes Middles School. The roof was leaking above us as we sat on cold concrete indoor bleachers that were constructed with Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal funding. Amelia and I brought a picnic blanket to put between ourselves and the ice cold concrete.

It was the second game of the season and Chloe was just beginning to remember all I had taught her the previous season. Additionally, she had learned plenty of new skills from the two coaches who were managing this year’s team. Chloe played in the second and third quarter. She handled the ball well, dribbling with focused caution and passing whenever there was either a serious threat or a promising opportunity. But the big moment came in the third quarter. Chloe managed to evade a less experienced defender and positioned herself perhaps five feet to the front and right of the net. Her teammate had the presence of mind to deliver a quick and perfect pass. Chloe caught the ball, took one step forward and shot.

The ball hit the back board and landed onto the rim where it began to orbit the net once, twice and almost a full third time before it finally delivered two points for Chloe. Cheers broke the breath-holding silence. The cold room full of parents was such a lovely audience I wanted to take them home with us as Goo-goo-gajoob repeated inside my head and I watched eight girls run like pigs from a gun to the other side of the court as the referee gave the other team control of the ball. My eyes were moist again as the song in my head reached the words, I’m crying complete with Paul McCartney’s famous Liverpool accent.

I have many vivid memories from the beautiful performance in Las Vegas. But none is as lucid as the pass, the step, the shot, the ball orbiting the net, and finally Chloe’s first score of the season. My ticket to the Las Vegas performance cost my business partner over one hundred fifty dollars. But there was no charge to watch Chloe’s basketball game. Despite the cold concrete, the best things in life really are free.

Bold Moves - Little Result

It would be nice if Philip could speak openly enough with Erica to suggest taking some time to get to know one another better and be prepared for whatever her response. But such things are rare among young adolescents. Instead, they face a tough, highly-charged social environment. If an interested guy succeeds in getting a girl he knows to speak privately, he may only have a short window in which he must boldly ask her out. While girls sometimes ask out guys, they usually do something subtle with the hope of getting a particular guy’s attention. Girls drop cautious hints. The hints always carry a comfortable degree of plausible deniability. If the girl were to be called out on her words or actions, she would have a valid excuse that had nothing to do with her having interest in the guy in question. The guys in turn seek opportunities to test the waters before they plunge forward asking a girl out. There is no more humiliating prospect to a young adolescent guy than asking out a girl and being rejected hands down. Young adolescents add complexity to this awkward dance by taking steps to evoke jealousy. Jealousy is the weapon of choice girls but also guys rely upon if the true interest is not behaving in a way that demonstrates a satisfactory level of interest. The goal is to force the other’s hand into some kind of action that demonstrates interest.

Shortly after Philip had resolved to ask Erica out, he was shocked to learn she had agreed to go to the Winter Formal with another guy, Aidan. Philip knew Aidan reasonably well. Aidan was tall, handsome and athletic. He was also one of the guys who constantly hovered close to Erica. Aidan and Erica were certainly friends. They had known one another for years. And as such, there had been plenty of time and interaction for Aidan to secure Erica as his girlfriend if she were willing. Despite his disappointment, Philip was reasonably certain Aidan was not a true competitor for Erica’s heart. But it didn’t keep Philip from feeling at least a little bit jealous. And perhaps that was Erica’s intention all along. If so, it was a bold move.

At the dance itself, Philip quickly confirmed Erica and Aidan had no developing romance. Erica was dancing with plenty of guys besides Aidan. Philip followed her example and likewise enjoyed dancing with multiple girls. Eventually, he danced with Erica. It was one of those semi-intimate hip-hop dances. Erica accepted. Philip came back and danced with Erica multiple times that evening but tried to be cautious about asking her to dance too often.

The final song of the evening was a dreamy slow dance. Philip had planned to skip this dance but then he saw Erica alone halfway through the final song. Where was Aidan? If you were my date for this dance Erica, Philip thought, I would not be missing in action during the final song of the evening. And then Philip made a bold move of his own and asked Erica to dance. It echoed back to the very first school dance of the year, during which the two had shared a dreamy extended embrace on the dance floor during the final song of the evening. But this was different. Even if Aidan was nowhere in sight, Erica had still agreed to be Aidan’s date. Everyone would see Erica dancing with someone other than Aidan during the final song. Erica stared back at Philip and answered slowly, “Uhhhhmm … I have … a date.” She smiled awkwardly and then walked away, presumably in search of Aidan. Philip turned around as well and found himself facing a cute, outgoing sophomore girl he had met in line heading into the dance. He asked the girl to dance and the two shared what was left of the final song of the evening. Perhaps Erica was bothered. Philip first underscored the fact that her date was absent at the end of the evening and then bounced back quickly and easily by slow dancing with another girl.

The day after the formal dance, Philip discovered Erica had unfriended him on Facebook. It was another bold move. Was it a prank Erica’s sister had played? If not, what was Erica doing? She could have been angry with Philip. Or she could have done it in a moment of jealousy. Or she could have done it to see how and how quickly Philip would respond. Either way, the gauntlet had been cast. Philip let Monday pass. But on Tuesday Philip made the bold move. He spoke to Erica about the matter, and she feigned ignorance. Erica wasn’t angry. And Philip had let her know he’d seen it only shortly after it had happened. The secret message she delivered was returned. Despite all the boldness, little was accomplished. And maybe that is the problem with making bold moves in high school.

A Vacation from School Work, Peek-a-Boo and Other Teen Drama

Winter break from public school descended onto Hermes one week before Christmas. Philip and Chloe have been enjoying two whole weeks plus one additional Friday off. For Philip, it has not just been about vacationing from school work. He has also been vacationing from all the teen drama he has been experiencing at Hermes High School.

And the drama was certainly high leading up to the winter break. For Philip, the drama mostly came from Erica, the extremely popular girl. She had begun behaving differently toward him. He was catching more looks. Chloe and I even witnessed some of those looks. On Wednesday, eight days before winter break, I picked up Chloe when her school let out and then headed over to Hermes High School to pick up Philip. With Philip in the front seat and Chloe in the back seat, we were inching our way out of the Hermes High School parking lot behind a long caravan of parents and teen drivers when Philip leaned toward me and said, “That’s her.”

“What do you mean ‘her’,” I asked.

“That’s ‘her’ right in front of us,” Philip answered. At first all I saw was a guy driving a truck in front of us. But then I could see movement in the passenger seat. A girl was slouching down as if hiding from us. And then she turned around, raised her head and took a quick look at us before dropping down quickly like a puppet in a child’s television show—exit stage down. This repeated several times and started to become comical. Philip waved and then she ducked. The next time both Philip and I waved before she retreated below the head rest. Chloe started giggling. And it was hard not to be cracking a smile. It was like Erica was playing a game of Peek-a-Boo with Philip. The driver (perhaps her older brother) turned to the right and spoke to her and then turned all the way to the left to look back at us. Her face appeared again between the two seats and then quickly retreated. At the end of the driveway we were both signaling to turn right. I decided to give Erica some relief by allowing an oncoming car to take a left turn to put an extra car between us and the truck.

The following day, Erica approached Philip’s table of guys toward the end of their lunch break. “Hey. Did you hear that Daniel broke up with Layla?” she asked the group, while standing closer to Philip than anyone else.

“No. That’s really sad though,” Philip answered.

Unexpectedly, one of Philip’s friends piped up, “Hey Erica. I’ve got a question for you. Are you friends with Philip?”

There was a long awkward silence before Erica answered slowly and cautiously, “… eeehhh … yyyeeeaaahhh …” And Philip quickly said yes in agreement to ease the tension.

“That makes sense,” the guy recovered. “You’re both friends with like everybody.” After that, Erica made a quick exit. But it was this final act of flirtation that catalyzed Philip’s resolve to ask out Erica.

But it may also have been what catalyzed Erica to either lose interest in Philip or at least become more cautious with him. During the time that was left of school before the winter break, Philip either couldn’t find Erica or couldn’t get her to slow down long enough for him to get to his asking-out words. Finally, on the following Wednesday, Philip learned that Erica had agreed to go to the winter formal on an as-friends basis with another guy. With that revelation, Philip decided to wait until after the winter formal to resume his pursuit of Erica.

That Friday morning, the first day of winter break, Philip slept until noon. He spent most of the afternoon in his pajamas. When I asked if he had any plans to get together with his friends, he said he wanted to just rest for a few days. And the pattern continued. His video game playing temporarily returned to eighth grade levels. Christmas Eve arrived and when Amelia asked Philip if he wanted a shower before we went out as a family, he informed us he had not showered in a week.

I must confess I am a small bit concerned by how recluse Philip has been for almost two weeks. Other than errands and family outings, Philip has stayed at home during the entire winter break. Most days, he does not even change out of his pajamas. No friends have visited or received a visit from Philip. He may have chatted with a few via instant messaging. But there have been no phone calls. He doesn’t seem depressed. He laughs and seems to be genuinely enjoying his time with the family. Still … this isn’t how Philip usually acts.

Tonight, New Years Eve, we are going to a dance sponsored by the same group that sponsored the dances Philip enjoyed while he was attending Oak Hills Charter School. There will be plenty of pretty girls, but none from Hermes High School. My hope is Philip will ease back into his usual outgoing self while still enjoying what remains of his break from the drama of Hermes High School, especially the games of Peek-a-Boo.

From Sanctuary to Memorial

Amelia and I have two kids. But we have a four bedroom house. The fourth bedroom was set aside long ago as the play room. The left side of the room was set aside for Philip and the right side of the room was set aside for Chloe. But the play room is starting to change.

Chloe’s side of the room has been the site of heavy girl playing. In the corner is a large basket full of girls’ dress-up clothes. They include ballerina and princess outfits. But none of them fit any more and she hasn’t replaced them. Last weekend she gave away the smaller half of her dress-up clothes to a three-year-old girl who visited the house. Instead, Chloe now collects flower girl dresses that she hangs in her closet. There is one which was her own, but she outgrew that. From her allowance money, she purchased the same dress in a larger size for fifteen dollars from the oldest flower girl at the same wedding. She has picked up other flower girl dresses at garage sales.

The most unchanged feature of the playroom is Chloe’s fashion dolls. They fall into two categories. There are the statuesque head-and shoulders on platforms that let Chloe and her friends endlessly comb hair and apply makeup. And there are the tiny flexible dolls that can change in and out of clothes quickly to be placed in fold-out houses, fold-out RVs or pool party scenes. Inevitably these dolls all end up naked and strewn across the carpet until chore time, when Chloe tosses most of them into the naked doll pale.

Philip’s side of the play room was devoted solely to building toys. Today, all his simple building toys have long since been donated to one charity or another. There are still several plastic tubs of not fully separated and organized building themes. And lastly there are his most complex building toys which he finally mastered some time around age eleven. They cover the complete surface of a three foot high cabinet. It is a battle scene between two fantasy world armies. Each army rallies from their own fortress built about a scale twenty yards from the other. It is as if the feud between Fred and Barney slowly evolved and escalated over generations from the stone age to medieval times, complete with Dino’s descendants now mutated into Dragons. Over time, dust has coalesced with girl hair to add wasteland tumbleweeds to the scene.

Philip hasn’t touched his tween fantasy battle scene or done any play building in perhaps two years, except to fix what inevitably gets knocked over from time to time by Chloe and her friends. About once every six months we ask him if he is ready to take it down and donate his building toys. But he still says no. The left side of the playroom remains a memorial to Philip’s childhood.

Philip has changed so rapidly in just a few months. During the party he hosted in August—the one during which he met Layla—he enjoyed no shortage of Guitar Hero rounds with his friends. But during the party he hosted just two months later in October—one where Erica showed up—he stayed in the back yard listening to an eclectic mix of hip-hop and alternative while talking and drinking soda. A few feet away other peers were playing Guitar Hero inside. They seemed to be the ones too frightened to talk to Erica and the other girls.

Philip now showers every day, wears deodorant, spends more than one minute combing his hair, has multiple sources of income and needs to start shaving. The time he spends on his laptop that was once devoted to a fantasy game is now replaced with browsing Facebook and YouTube. Only occasionally does he play any kind of video game—all of which are mindless shooting and fighting. And even that is getting less and less frequent. When Philip and I go for evening walks, he no longer wants to talk about his ideas for fantasy novels. Instead he wants to dissect and analyze the latest words and actions of Erica or some other girl. But with Christmas just ahead, we asked him about the building toys on the left side of the fourth bedroom. He didn’t hesitate with his answer. He still wanted to keep them as they were. “I like to come in here and look at them from time to time,” he said. And so, for at least another six months, the left side of the fourth bedroom will remain a memorial to a time in Philip’s life that is still cherished: His childhood.

The Shallow Reality

Even before she broke things off with the football player, the awkward game of courtship between Erica and Philip had begun. But their developing mutual interest functions in the complex early adolescent social structure and gossip pit of Hermes High School.

Without question, ninth-grader Erica holds the unchallenged position as the leading “trophy” girlfriend at Hermes High School. She seems to have a love-hate relationship with this position. On the one hand, she certainly prefers the position over its polar opposite. Nearly every guy whose interest in girls has awakened is either exclusively interested in Erica or at least has her on his short list. Philip’s interest, for example, is exclusive. Erica is invited to all the parties and she can secure just about any favor she wants. On the other hand, she has learned she needs to be very careful to not give a guy the wrong signal. Additionally, she finds she can easily intimidate her guy-peers. And worst of all, she is nearly always hounded by at least someone. For Erica, having a trustworthy, well-matched, long-term boyfriend would not only be pleasant in-and-of itself, but it would substantially eliminate the downsides of her popularity among boys while only mildly reducing the upsides. Additionally, it could only improve her popularity among the girls which is already off the charts.

Among the ninth-grade boys at Hermes High School only perhaps ten to fifteen percent of them are even looked upon as “boyfriend material.” And these few face fierce competition for the attention of their ninth grade gal-peers from sophomores, juniors and sometimes even seniors. The status of “boyfriend material” is admittedly rather shallow. It has almost nothing to do with compatibility, emotional maturity, long term prospects, empathy, or relationship skills. Instead it mainly has to do with superficial attributes such as good looks, physical maturity, bravado and mystique. (To be fair, as a whole the guys at Hermes High School judge their gal-peers by equally frivolous standards.) Each of the guys classified as “boyfriend material” sports his own unique mix of attractive qualities. For some it is a well matched set of height, developed muscles, chiseled features, athletic prowess and confident bravado. For others it is a cute face, an engaging personality, social confidence and a creative sense of humor.

While there is no clear leading man the way there is a clear leading lady, Philip seems to have found himself in the upper-end of the “boyfriend material” lineup with a strong mix of those overrated attractive qualities. Philip is above average in height and athletic prowess. His abdomen carves into a six-pack when he flexes, but it is doubtful any girl has ever noticed it emerge from beneath his loose-fitting T-shirts. The rest of his muscles are toned but definitely not bulked. He carries absolutely no extra body fat which gives his face (like Erica’s) a uniquely mature but youthful look. His portrait is a smooth cross between the hard features of actor Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen in the Twilight series) and the soft features of pop star Justin Bieber. At the beginning of the school year, Philip’s hair was a rock-star-length mop that he hardly washed, hardly combed but somehow normally still looked very good. The day after he danced with Erica, Philip changed his ways and began showering daily before school. He got his hair cut to a preppy length in early October, but has since grown it out to a length he combs back and allows to feather to near perfection.

But probably the greatest contributor to Philip’s high “boyfriend material” status is his mystique. Having spent seventh and eighth grade at Oak Hills Charter School rather than Hermes Middle School, Philip arrived at Hermes High School without the standard embarrassing history from the previous two years. At the same time, Philip had managed to keep up his relationship with his closest friends. The result was nearly all of the “new kid” advantages and almost none of the “new kid” disadvantages. On top of that his temperament is highly unflappable. He rarely feels compelled to speak, and when he does speak, his words are normally concise. He augments his mystique by wearing sunglasses often. And in the morning, he arrives at school with a cup of coffee, drinking it with the comfort and confidence most girls only see in adult men like their fathers.

Sometime in November, Erica started treating Philip differently. Her normally effective “hard to get” tactic must have looked to her like it was having the opposite of the intended effect. Philip’s unflappable exterior proved resilient as Erica’s mixed signals failed to evoke any crazy behavior or desperate actions. So lately, Erica has flirted more openly and directly than Philip has ever seen her do. In short, it appears that Philip has won the game of “hard to get” against the reigning champion. But to Erica’s credit, her new tactic—if that has indeed been her intension—has worked, because Philip is now resolved to ask out Erica as soon as he gets the chance.

Having a shallow exterior does not mean there is no depth beneath. Erica’s charisma and ability to be a close friend to so many girls all emerge from a still unknown but very real depth. Likewise, Philip’s unflappable exterior that is a large driver of his mystique emerges from an emotional maturity that is probably unrivaled among his guy-peers. As a parent, I am preparing for the very real possibility that Philip and Erica will not only start a relationship, but that their relationship will last a long time. I expect the biggest challenge to a successful long term relationship between Philip and Erica won’t come from within either of them, but rather from the difficult external pressures they will face together in the complex early adolescent social structure and gossip pit of Hermes High School.