Recovering from a Sudden Relocation

By the end of sixth grade, Chloe, Katherine and Robbie seemed inseparable. While Chloe had many other friends, Katherine and Robbie were her primary friends. The summer seemed mainly focused on things they would be doing together. There were plenty of sleepovers along with campfires at Robbie’s house and horror movie nights at Katherine’s house. The girls were comfortable and the parents liked the friendships.

What We Can Read While Washing our Hands

Philip and I arrived two hours early in Oxford Hills for a Sunday evening admissions presentation by Ingram University, which was quickly becoming Philip’s first choice and long-shot school. I had brought a book; Philip had brought Ingram’s large glossy brochure as well as an SAT Preparation guide. We ate a fast food dinner and then Philip asked if there was somewhere more comfortable we could wait. I selected the Oxford Inn which was just three miles from the upcoming presentation.

I Want to Communicate Between These Extremes

Sometimes and in some ways, the difference between Philip and Chloe is particularly pronounced. It is more than just the gender and age difference, although those differences play a significant role of course. This summer, the difference between my two teenagers is most pronounced in the way they want to communicate with their parents.

Middle School Boys in a Pack

National news this month includes the strange story of an online video showing a pack of middle school boys bullying an elderly bus monitor. The bus monitor maintained that individually these were nice boys. She was probably telling the truth, but packed together these boys turned into something very toxic.

Nine Ways the Best Colleges Resemble Hogwarts

Despite the very silly-sounding name, J.K. Rowling’s Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry pulls at the heart-strings of Western culture and perhaps even taps into a deep primal longing. While Hermes High School will always hold a special place in Philip’s heart, my hope is that his undergraduate experience will prove to be the best part of his late adolescence. In short, I not only want him to earn an education that will launch him into a successful adult professional life, I also want him to spend four years at a place that resembles Rowling’s Hogwarts.

Post #135: This Blog is Growing Up with my Family

Just under a year ago, I posted my one hundredth blog entry and celebrated the accomplishment with a summary description of what this blog has been about and what I intended the blog to be about going forward. For forty-four months including this month, I have been committed to delivering three posts each month. They chronicled the most interesting things I observed as a parent and the kinds of things I was thinking about as a parent. Three posts per month worked for a long time. But I have come to the conclusion that time has ended.

Selecting and Targeting the College Long-Shot

Less than two weeks remain of Philip’s junior year at Hermes High School. We now have the scores from his first attempt at the SATs and finals will quickly establish his grades and grade point average going into any early notification college application process.

While Philip is correctly focused on the home stretch of his junior year, I have been quietly compiling data on colleges. Amelia and I are pleased to see that Philip’s SAT scores came in high enough that he can be reasonably certain about getting into Sierra State University, so long as he does not screw up and delivers a well-assembled application early in the admissions cycle.

It is Hard to Make Firm Plans With Middle Schoolers

Heather is progressively becoming a better friend to Chloe. Before the most recent Middle School dance this past Friday, Stephanie invited Chloe, Heather and just one other girl to put on makeup. Heather was also a Patty’s sleepover birthday party in December and Chloe’s Halloween party. But just a little over two weeks ago, a casual observer might have concluded that Chloe would never want to speak with Heather ever again.

Important but Not Central

With Philip, a whole bunch of things are happening at once. In addition to his junior year of high school being filled with all sorts of important near-year-end tests and assignments, he needs to think about his lacrosse team, Prom, his driving test, the SATs, visiting colleges and completing the volunteer hours he will need to officially log with the school in order to graduate.

On College and College Visit Road Trips

A year ago, during Philip’s sophomore year, I took Philip on a tour of the local state university that is less than a half hour’s drive from our home. It has a beautiful campus, and has a respected biotechnology program which is Philip’s intended field of study. But the visit had only a small impact. This month, we have taken Philip to visit two schools a more substantial drive away. Between age and distance, we observed a much greater impact.

A Good Captain Makes a Good Team

This Year Hermes High School’s Lacrosse Coach named four Seniors as Team Captains, including Conrad and Bruce. Over the years I have watched these boys on Philip’s Team grow up. It has been nice watching Bruce grow from being the star player to being a true leader. But the beacon of great leadership on the team this year is unquestionably Conrad.

Seeing A Movie at the Midnight Opening

The Hunger Games trilogy has caught on fire among teens, tweens and their mothers. About a week before the cinema release, Joshua and Debbie were at our house when Debbie exclaimed, “I’ve got a great idea! Let’s all go see the opening midnight showing together!” Something about her idea resonated.

The Civilizing Effect of Women

For years now, Carson might have been best described as Philip and Joshua’s immature friend. Carson’s awkwardness was always announcing itself in some way. He would be the one who could be counted upon to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. When Philip and Joshua would be settling down, Carson would be unable to sit still. When Philip and Joshua were trading jokes, Carson would stumble over himself to throw in something funny but never seemed to hit the mark. In an attempt to get the attention of Debbie, Katie or any of the other girls, he would try acting effeminate and could not understand why his efforts had no positive impact.

An Emotionally-Healthy Non-Dating Friendship

It was morning break at Hermes Middle. As students exited their classrooms the campus quickly transformed from a quiet, serene set of buildings into an eruption of activity and movement. Chloe navigated from her classroom to her favorite break-time hang-out spot with kids walking in both directions. She walked forward as if on auto-pilot, saving her mental energy for the bantering that would be happening soon once she settled in her favorite spot with her friends.

Less a Child but not More an Adult

We still have the digital photos from hosting Philip and his peers for a party at our house two summers ago. Three then-fifteen-year-old boys Philip, Joshua and Kevin were lined up on all fours. Then-thirteen-year-olds Debbie and Katie got on top of them, and finally with the help of Chloe and Ashley, tween Abby got on top to form a pyramid. There were plenty of smiles, laughs and snapping cameras.

Drivers of Short Term Contention

Gayle and Chloe have continued their friendship from the previous summer but the two have few close friendships in common. As such, Chloe continues to find herself at odds with Gayle’s more possessive friends like Britney. Recently, a girl named Natalie seemed to be the one wanting to put a wedge between Chloe and Gayle.

The Impact of an Allowance

Toward the end of fifth grade, a new girl named Robbie (which is short for Roberta) appeared in Chloe’s class. She quickly became friends with Chloe and Katherine. Over what remained of fifth grade, into summer and then into middle school Chloe and Katherine integrated Robbie into their friendship. One of their favorite shared activities has been watching horror movies. Chloe and I watched Chloe’s first R-Rated movie, The Exorcist over the course of a few evenings during the summer. From there Chloe’s enjoyment of horror movies has continued.

The Unmistakable Signs of Womanhood

Entering Middle School was one milestone for Chloe but it was quickly followed by another milestone. She had her first period. During the summer prior to middle school, she had started wearing a bra regularly. For Chloe, the migration into adolescence, including having her first boyfriend, all happened within a very short period of time. And fortunately, she is comfortable talking about it with her parents.

Talk or Leave Them Alone?

Adolescence is the time for kids to develop their independence. It is messy. In the ideal world parents would correctly identify how their adolescents should be independent over time, grant them that independence and be done with it. Usually the adolescents have other ideas.

Tough Girls and Predatory Guys

When Philip joined the Hermes High School Cheer Squad as the mascot, Nestor Hawk, we had only one real concern. We knew he wasn’t doing it to womanize. But we were concerned there would be people—especially girls on the Cheer Squad—who might think womanizing was Philip’s primary motivation. Months later, Philip has no reputation for womanizing. Nonetheless many of the girls on the Cheer Squad have been womanized by others.